Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Give Staff Four Weeks Holiday Per Year.

Some people think that employers should give staff at least four weeks holiday per year to improve their job performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Please read the sample answer HERE.

Holidays are essential to get relief from increased regular (1) work pressure. Some people argue that one month leave period is necessary to enhance the performance of the employees at the workplace. I totally agree with this statement because it reduces the stress level of the staff and changes their monotonous life.

1. The word INCREASED demands a reference point. Increased with respect to what? The increased work pressure during the last decade has made holidays essential for all staff members.

To begin with, twenty-eight days leave period per annum improves the work performance of the staff by decreasing the level of stress. This is to say that Nowadays, employees are constantly stressed out because of the immense workload. The leave of one month gives them time to rejuvenate and allows them to stay away from work get free from stress. This gradually wears away (erodes) the stress and Consequently, the staff members’ performance improves when they rejoin after a break. (2) This is the reason why corporates (multi-national companies) (do not use abbreviations) MNCs are providing provide compulsory 1- month one month leave to its their (subject-pronoun disagreement. Subject is plural.) employees to improve their quality of work. Google group is a perfect exemplar of this trend. (3)

2. You’ve done well to build an argument for the idea. Well done. However, there is a scope for improvement. For example, how do the holidays help them get stress free? By allowing them the stay away from work. The explanation is not strong for 8 bands. But its fine for 7.

3. Begin the example with Google and explain how this strategy has helped its employees. This is the reason why Google, the technology giant, provides a one-month compulsory holiday to its employees. The company, in fact, arranges trips to tourist destinations so that the employees can stay away from work and rejuvenate.

Furthermore, one month holiday enhances the job performance by providing a change in the monotonous lives of the employees. This is because t Today the employees are following a hectic and repetitive routine schedule (routine is same as schedule) and, therefore, their lives have become machine-like (mechanical). This monotonous life brings boredom amoungst the staff. Consequently, they are not able to give their 100 % at their work place and hence downperform (The two sentences can be connected to create a better sentence structure. There are better words than DOWNPERFORM.) This leads to monotony and boredom and undermines their performance (= reduces their performance)(Instead of giving an example, you need to conclude this argument by explaining how exactly the one month leave breaks monotony) An extended holiday for one month helps employees not only in breaking the routine but also in pursuing other productive activities such as photography, reading, playing games. This is vital to break the cycle of monotony.

For instance, in a recent survey conducted by Harvard , it was found that work performance of Harward University’s employees has increased after providing them a one month holiday.

It is not necessary to include an example in every paragraph. Focus on building the argument and closing it properly. You’ve explained the monotony. But you missed how EXACTLY holidays break that monotony.

In conclusion, I completely strongly believe that four weeks leave period per annum given by the employers to their the (4) staff improves their work performance and output. This is because it reduces the tension level and changes the routine lifestyles of the employees.

4. One pronoun can refer to one noun only in a sentence. Here, the first their refers to employers and the second one refers to staff. This is incorrect.

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