Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Have Difficulty Paying Attention.

These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant example from your experience and knowledge?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is true while saying this, that, nowadays, most of the pupils have a lack of concentration at during school hours. There are many causes for this and proper remedies can also be used to resolve this.

Well, the introduction is meant to MENTION the ideas that you plan to EXPLAIN in the body paragraphs. Please mention the “causes” in the introduction. This will make it stronger.

This is primarily caused due to defective educational system and medical issues such as Attention Deficit Disorder.

There are many problems which cause this issue. (You’ve already written this in the introduction. Do not repeat.) Firstly, it was found that some children who are unable to keep their concentration on their studies is are suffering (1) from ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER (Use capital letters for the first words only). (2) So, it is the responsibility of the teachers and the school psychologist to detect this problem and tell their inform the parents so that these pupils can be treated properly. (3)

1. It is better to use the Simple Present Tense: Some children …… studies suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

2. You’re supposed to EXPLAIN the cause (ADD) before moving to the solution. What does ADD do? ADD allows a person to focus on a particular task only for a few seconds and then the person is distracted by another task.

3. Please EXPLAIN the solution: It is the responsibility of teachers and the school psychologist to detect this problem and inform the parents. Proper medication, lifestyle changes, and simple exercise can effectively address this problem only if it is detected in a timely manner.

Another feather in the cap is, Secondly, the education system itself is defective and dysfunctional the problem which causes this issue (we’re answering the causes to a problem; not problem to a cause.). (4) The learning process is so (so X that Y) boring in the classes which that it results in, (punctuation mistake) less attention by the children in the classes. (repetition – you’ve already mentioned in the classes.(5) With the advent of the technology, schools must try new methods of teaching which attract the children. Sat Paul Mittal School in Ludhiana, for instance, have has projectors in each and every rooms room which make the study more interesting as children can visualize the models while studying and students can (= children can visualize…. and children can also ……) also share their own opinions which make them attentive and active rather than passive listeners.

4. State the IDEA as clearly as possible. This requires a right choice of words. Please note that problem is a less appropriate word than defective and dysfunctional.

5. Explain how it is boring: Not only are the teachers untrained to make the classes interesting but also the teaching methodology is outdated. They often force the children to engage in rote learning without understanding the meaning and context of the lesson.

To conclude, although there are many factors which are responsible for children’s inattention at schools, but (do not use BUT in ALTHOUGH construction.) proper remedies can be implanted to solve such issue.

There are ways to write a better conclusion. Since this is a SOLUTION essay, you can comfortably write what will happen if your recommendations are accepted.

In conclusion, if education is made interesting and medical issues such as ADD are properly addressed, the children will develop a better concentration in schools and this will improve their academic scores.

Total Words = 216. You must write 250 words at least. Writing lesser will impact your score in all domains.

You can increase the word count comfortably by EXPLAINING the ideas adequately.

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