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IELTS Essay, September 2018: Give Staff Four Weeks Holiday Per Year.

Some people think that employers should give staff at least four weeks holiday per year to improve their job performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Introduction: (Introduce the topic with a general statement, STATE your opinion and MENTION the reasons. EXPLAIN those reasons in the body paragraphs. I’ve mentioned THREE reasons below.)

A long holiday for employees at least once a year is gaining credence these days (general statement). I strongly support (collocation) this view (referencing) since (cohesion) it not only (cohesion – not only X but also Y) allows employees to work more efficiently (collocation) and makes family ties stronger but also builds their (referencing) confidence in the employer.

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Body Paragraph 1: (Explain reason 1 – Work more efficiently)

When employers allow their staff members to enjoy a month-long holiday, it allows them (referencing) to rejuvenate (When X, Y – cohesion) (IDEA Sentence). They usually work (collocation) for long hours on a daily basis and this (referencing) builds monotony, boredom, and stress. As a result (cohesion), their efficiency (productivity) falls appreciably (collocation) and the business revenues and profits suffer. (Problem EXPLAINED) A long holiday enables (allows) them to stay away from work, reduces stress, and revitalizes them for work. (Note parallelism – enables, reduces, revitalizes) (Solution to the problem – completes argument with proper context)

Body Paragraph 2: (Explain reason 2 – Family ties)

Moreover (cohesion), when (cohesion) employees work for a long duration, they get very little time (collocation) for their family and friends (IDEA Sentence). This (cohesion) results in broken relationships (collocation) and erodes the social fabric (collocation) (Note parallelism – results, erodes). Consequently (cohesion), they (referencing) come under extreme stress (collocation) and are unable to focus on work (parllelism – come, are). (problem explained) A long holiday every year allows these (referencing) bonds to remain strong and keeps employees happy. (Solution to the problem – completes argument with proper context)

Body Paragraph 3: (Explain reason 3 – confidence in employer)

Finally (cohesion), an extended break (collocation) from work builds a relationship of mutual trust (collocation) between employees and employers (IDEA Sentence). When employees get a sufficiently long (collocation) and well-deserved break (collocation) from work, their (referencing) trust in the employer increases and they (referencing) feel confident that the latter will take care of their needs. This (referencing) ultimately transpires (collocation) into better productivity (collocation) and greater profits (collocation) for the company. (Adequate explanation with proper context)

Conclusion: (Conclude the essay with the BIG PICTURE.)

In conclusion (cohesion), if (Cohesion – IF, THEN clause) employees are given a long break from work, not only (cohesion – Not only but also) will the profits and revenue of the companies increase, but also they will be mentally and physically strong (collocation). This will eventually bring (collocation) economic prosperity (collocation) and social stability (collocation) (preserve social fabric).

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