Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Crime Rate Among Youth.

Crime rate amongst youth is increasing day by day what do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to reduce it?

Here is a similar question with the answer: Reports are showing that crime has increased all over the world and many people believe that nothing can be done to prevent it, while others disagree. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is an irrefutable fact that escalation of crime among youth is a serious concern amongst youth (It makes a lot of difference where exactly you place among youth. Your sentence suggests that the youngsters are concerned about rising concern. The question is about youngsters committing crimes.). It is one of the most critical issue society is facing today. The problems are (1) This is primarily due to poverty, no-education illiteracy, and unemployment, and there could be several solutions recommended to to ameliorate this issue.

1. Which problems? How are they connected to crime? Cohesion is weak.

The paragraph structuring is fine. However, you need to work on sentence structuring. This includes the right placement of words (among youth) and most appropriate words (illiteracy, ameliorate – LR).

On the one hand, there are several reasons for increasing crime rate. First, non-education illiteracy and lack of professional education (2) make such circumstances of joblessness environment, (circumstances are similar to environment. …… make a jobless environmentwhich give rise to poverty. In other words, because there is a lack of resources due to poverty, people‘s indulgence is more in criminal activities like robbery, and kidnapping (3). Second, (4) these people (which people? THESE does not refer to any noun.) are not scared of consequences. (4) For example, a recent survey conducted on people living under (under = below) below the poverty line, (you missed a few words here. The survey cannot be open to prison punishment.) revealed that poor people were open to prison punishments for free food served there. These are the consequences of a lack of education and resources uneducation.

2. This will count as a Lexical Resource issue since you were unable to find the most appropriate and most precise words to express your ideas. ‘Professional Education’ is more precise than ‘non-education’.

3. Two constructions. Note the use of the comma in the first and the absence comma in the second. “Since/ because X, Y” “X since/ because Y”.

4. This is not a new point. The first point is about poverty and how it leads to crime. This point is also about poverty. It is an extension of the previous point.

On the other hand, (Please use “On one hand, on the other hand” only when you are comparing two things – advantages and disadvantages, for instance. Here you’re giving a solution. This is incorrect.) this could be reduced by implementing several policies by the government. One solution is by providing free and compulsory education and also, (ALSO serves the same purpose as AND.) by making determined efforts to secure the efficiency of academic practices, unemployment will be effectively eliminated answered by proper education (You’ve already mentioned EDUCATION in the former part of the sentence.)EXPLAIN HOW. Professional education of a laboratory technician, plumber, engineer, and accountant helps a person secure a remunerative job and keeps poverty away.

Another issue of poverty, this can be solved with government policies (You’ve already included education in government policy. The first sentence on ”government policy” clearly brings everything in this paragraph under it ambit.). For instance, new constitutional amendment policy in India have has helped several poor people by providing free basic facilities of food, clothes, and housing. Furthermore, (not a new point but a continuation of the previous point) this support of government contribute immensely to a reduction of crime and making people better humans.

You can develop this as a separate point – Government Support. Moreover, government support for basic facilities such as food, clothes, housing, and healthcare plays a crucial role in reducing youth crime. (IDEA Sentence) Most youngsters engage in crime so that they can buy these facilities (referencing) for their family members. (Why youngsters commit crimes – link to the idea sentence) The Indian government, for instance, has recently launched free food for everyone below the poverty line. This has drastically reduced the incentive for youngsters to commit theft. (How the government tackles it – example.)

In conclusion, although there are various reasons for the surging crime rate, even though mentioned above are the main reasons (There is no contrast here. Although is used to express contrast or to say ‘despite’. Although X, Y. Although there are various reasons for the surging crime rate, the primary reason is poverty which is born out of unemployment.) and solving these issues will create a harmonious society all around the world.

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