When children start school, teachers have a bigger influence on their academic and social development as compared to their parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
Please read the Sample Answer as well.
As soon as youngsters are exposed to academia, people
believed believe that teachers contribute more have a greater influence on children’s educational performance and social development as compared to their parents. In my opinion, I agree (I agree = in my opinion) with such this (1) notion as teachers are better equipped with the vital academic knowledge than most of the parents and teachers they (use a pronoun to refer back to teachers) are also more capable of initiating programs and methods to help students become more socially and academically competent.
1. SUCH is not a strong referencing device. It refers to ‘something similar to that’. It is not precisely the same thing. With such evidence, I will be punished by the court. That is, with evidence of that type (similar evidence). THIS is a strong referencing device.
Children have greater time allotted for learning at school
in learning than at home (2). When these young individuals begin schooling, almost half of the day is spent in educational institutions (= schooling) learning different lessons from their teachers. These (The) teachers admittedly, (3) are better trained and well-equipped with more specific and knowledge and skills necessary to teach each individual as compared to some parents. Some The parents may be knowledgeable on a particular subject, however, they are not totally endowed with the skills to impart appropriate academic skills and learnings to their offsprings. Therefore, it is agreeable that, in terms of knowledge, teachers can create a greater impact to on children than their parents.
2. The right placement of words is important. Your sentence compares learning and home. It should compare school and home.
3. Admittedly = when you unwillingly accept that something is true. Admittedly, I could have avoided this problem if I had been more vigilant. Wrong usage of a word will reduce the lexical resource score.
The arguments are well developed in a logical manner. However, there is ample scope for improvement. You MUST sprinkle examples like icing on the cake. Now, example does not mean complete sentences. Sometimes a few names serve as examples. For instance, I can alter sentence number 3 to add a few nouns as examples. This will make the response more specific and stronger.
The teachers are better trained and equipped to teach subjects such as mathematics, science, and history than parents. A teacher has laboratory equipment to teach chemistry and practical models to teach geography. Parents lack these practical tools.
Furthermore, pertaining to the social capabilities of the youngsters, it is in school where children are exposed to a wider community. Teachers can play a major role in encouraging their students to communicate and reach out to their classmates or schoolmates. (4) Moreover,
it is also in educational institutions where children attain higher chances educational institutes enable children to build relationships with others (also = moreover. There are ways to write in fewer words with more impact.). For instance, programs like quiz bee, science fair, intramurals (Exactly! This makes the response clear.) conducted and initiated by teachers to urge students to develop not only their social abilities (How do they build social abilities? See 4.) but also to stimulate them cognitively. These particular activities cannot be provided (conducted) at home by their parents, hence, it is clear that teachers can help more in building better social skills.
4. How do they do that? This will make your response clear and specific. Write examples (NOUNS) as mentioned above. Change the sentence: Teachers can play a major role in encouraging students to communicate by holding debate competitions and involving students in music and dance concerts. Similarly, events such as science fair allow students to work collaboratively and build working models so that they can compete with other teams. These events enhance social skills such as cooperation, teamwork, and leadership.
There are ways to write fewer words and improve your message. Try to make your response specific while explaining the ideas. You’re making a nice attempt in explaining the ideas.
In conclusion, the educators indeed play a more significant role to help children improve socially and cognitively.
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