Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Should Begin Their Formal Education Early – 1.

Some people argue that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words only.

Answer:

Education plays a significant role in the growth of an individual as well as of a society. However, the age at which a child should start receiving the formal education is often a topic of discussion. While some people opine that a student should not start this until she is seven years old, I believe that she should join a school at the age of 3 or 4.

As many argue, exposure to education at a very early age can be detrimental for child’s children’s mental development. This is because the school curriculum builds pressure on their tender minds to study for longer periods of time to cram lessons and to sit in exams. (Explain this in more detail to develop proper arguments) This often leads to extreme stress on the minds of young children and prevents their physical and mental development. In addition, these people assert that Moreover, in order to become a highly educated person, a student has to study for many years. During these years he does not get sufficient time to play with friends and siblings. (There seems to be a missing connection between the two sentences.) So, instead of enrolling in schools before the age of seven, children should be allowed to enjoy their childhood by playing games.

You’ve made a nice attempt in developing ideas. However, it is inadequate. Please complete the arguments.

However, I would argue that a child should begin attending schools at an early age for several reasons. One of many is that Firstly, a the child (let us refer back to ‘a child’ mentioned in the previous sentence) learns to socialize and forge friendships with other students at an early age(The idea is incomplete. She can socialize at the age of 7 or 8 or 9. Why earlier than that?) If she begins school after seven years of age, the crucial years of socialization are lost forever. (Please finish the socialization idea before proceeding to the next idea.)

The first ten six years (these include 7, 8, 9 and 10. The reference to age below 7 is unclear. Task response issue.) of any child are formative and crucial for personality development. In these years, they she learns (noun = any child. Use a singular pronoun.) unconsciously, and the traits they she develops learn, for example being extrovert and or introvert, remain with throughout their lives her life. Therefore, it is better for them her to join the school at an early age.

Another significant reason is that if a child does not get education till seven (this is the proper context), it is highly likely that he can retaliate to join the school as he may want to live freely. If his parents force him to study, as he is not used to it, this can breed resentment in the child towards his parents and study since he is not used to it. So it had is better if children start studying at an early age so that they get accustomed to the schooling system.

You’ve discussed three reasons supporting education before 7 years of age. Please stick to two and focus on developing them in a proper manner (task response, grammar, sentence structure).

In conclusion, although some people suggest that children should enroll in school at 7 years of age as enrolling before this age it can stress them (… children should not enroll in school before the age of seven as this can stress them ….), I believe that they should start getting education at the age of three or four because early these years are crucial for the child’s development and they he would not develop resentment towards study.

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