Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Private Companies Should Pay For Pollution Cleanup.

Some think that private companies should pay for pollution cleanup, while others say it should be a government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the sample answer to a similar question asked in an IELTS February 2018 exam: Some people think that the effective way to reduce pollution is to tax the companies which cause it. Others think that there are better ways to achieve this. Discuss both the sides and give your own opinion.

Answer:

As environmental pollution has become a grave issue around the globe, people come up with the different ideas to finance ? the preservation of the environment. While many people opine that business enterprises should bear this cost, I believe that it is a government’s obligation to provide citizens with a clean and healthy environment.

As many argue, private firms should be obliged to fund the cleaning up of pollution. This is because these companies are responsible for deteriorating the quality of air, water, and land. For instance, manufacturers of fertilizers in Baddi in the north of India (… Baddi, an industrial town in North India, ……) contribute massively in increasing the pollution since they release untreated chemical waste to mix in water, which has contaminated the river Satluj. If these manufacturers are made to pay for preventing treating this pollution, they would install advanced technological machinery, which they do not want to install due to high cost, which can filter the waste and prevent the pollution. (Use only one WHICH to state an adjective clause. The latter clause gives better information about machinery.)

Though you’ve developed the arguments in a logical, clear and precise manner, there is scope to write better. Sentence structure needs to be altered at a few places and at others you need to use better words (untreated, treating, industrial town).

However, I would argue that a government should shoulder the responsibility to protect the nature as it is a fundamental duty of the government to provide a clean and healthy environment for the citizens. Apart from this, even if all private firms are made liable for this, cleaning the environment, (THIS does not clearly refer to cleaning the environmentthen there would be discrimination because some industries such as information technology produce less pollution as compared to those of manufacturing companies. (if companies can’t be held responsible equally, why should the government do this? Explain the idea by linking it with the government. So, the only solution is that the government should assume the responsibility of cleaning the environment.)  Additionally, the government has legislation and power of law and order power to legislate to impose taxes on factories that produce severe pollution (Taxes = Companies paying for pollution. This idea supports the view expressed in body paragraph 1.). Therefore, it would be fair if government support the campaign of cleaning the environmental financially. (You have not constructed the argument logically. Merely because the government can legislate on a subject does not mean it should support it financially.)

Note the logical development of ideas in the paragraph below:

Moreover, all companies can not afford to take responsibility to clean the environment (IDEA Sentence). Most of the companies in any country have a small or medium size and they barely survive due to the tough business atmosphere (Why companies can’t afford.). Imposing environmental taxes on them can prove costly and may force some of them to stop operations (Why companies can’t afford). This will severely impact the economy and reduce employment (Why companies can’t afford – EXPLANATION Complete). The only solution is that the government should use taxpayer’s money to preserve the environment (Only solution = government. Build task response (context).).

In conclusion, although many people suggest that private businesses should finance the cleaning of pollution process of pollution (Process of pollution = manner in which pollution happens. The question is not about cleaning a process or a manner.), I think that government should take (bear) the responsibility of this task as there would be a disparity towards industries those do not cause pollution if all private companies have to pay for saving the environment.

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