Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Teachers Have A Bigger Influence On Children Than Parents – 1.

When children start school, teachers have a bigger influence on their academic and social development as compared to their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the Sample Answer as well.

Answer:

It is often argued when it comes to the academic and social development of children, the teachers play more important role than parents in influencing the children (= when it comes to the academic and social development. Both convey a similar message.). I totally agree with this view since they spend a good share of time in schools and parents usually have less time to spend with their children because of their work commitments. (Let the pronoun family – they, their – refer to children. You can comfortably avoid the use of their that refers to parents.)

The first reason is that while growing up children spend most of the daytime in schools with the teachers. The teachers who help students learn and understand different subjects (Sentence structure can be improved by using ‘WHO’.). This is because they have extensive knowledge of subjects such as literature, mathematics, sciences and history and years of training in an effective delivery of lectures to help children excel in their studies. (1) Moreover, they can assign a group task to children. This enables the children how to get alongside with their fellow peers (peers includes the word fellow) and helps them develop their communication skills which are useful later in life. (The question compares parents and teachers. Please close the paragraph by making a comparison with parents. Parents have neither the knowledge of all subjects nor the ability to assign group tasks that are crucial in academic and social development.) Thus, teachers have bigger impact in shaping their future.

1. Please note that not all examples are written in complete sentences. To write an example, you do not need to write “for example ,………”. You can sprinkle them like icing on the cake using ‘such as’. If you name a few subjects and mention about training, your response will be more specific and strong.

There is a scope to write better. You’ve developed the ideas in a nice manner. Make them more specific by mentioning a few names (examples). Maintain proper context by comparing with parents.

Another reason is that the majority numbers (once you write majority, there is no need to write numbers) of parents have very less time to spend with their offspring because of the compulsion of a job. Many men and women They (refers back to parents in the previous sentence.) have different long working hours and the daily commuting time consumes most of their energy and makes it impossible for them to spend good quality time with their children to teach them or enhance their social skills because of exertion. (The sentence is too long. Let us break it into two parts. PLUS, you’ve committed a PRONOUN mistake. The former they and their refer to parents while the last their refers to children.). Physical exertion prevents them from teaching social skills to the children Therefore, parents and they have very less influence on the child’s life as compared to teachers (comparison. Good.). For example, in the Uk, United Kingdom, a survey conducted on office going parents revealed that only 10% of them are able to help the children with their studies because of the shortage of time and the mental burnout. (Parallelism – the shortage, the burnout)

The arguments are well developed and the comparison is proper. But you need to work on sentence structuring. Keep improving.

In conclusion, teachers play a crucial role in the overall development of children ranging from their studies to developing their (parallelism – ranging from X to Y. The first word of X and Y should be parallel – their) interactive skills because they teachers are with them (Who are with whom? Pronoun mistake.) most of the time during the day and parents do not have enough time for developing all these skills.

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