Answer Checking

IELTS Task 1 Correction: Advertisement For Training Course.

You work in an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:

  1. Describe the training course you want to do.
  2. Explain what the company could do to help you.
  3. Say how the course will be useful for your job.

20 minutes, 150 words.

Answer:

Dear Mr. Brown,

I am writing this letter in order to seek permission to allow me to join a Digital Marketing course.

Okay. This is a mechanical way to open a letter. Nothing wrong in this. But when the examiner notices that thousands of students have used the same introduction (I bet most students write this way), she will be disinclined to offer your desired bands. There are other – simple yet effective – ways to introduce.

I recently came across a course in digital marketing (I recently saw an advertisement about a digital marketing course) that I plan to join and I am sure it will be beneficial for our company. I wish to seek your permission to join this course.

I saw an advertisement of the course in newspaper. It is a three months course in which I could (will) (1) have an opportunity to learn about the new developments in the field of marketing. It will be organized by the Oracle Company in London.

1. COULD is used to express a possibility. That is, it is possible the course will help. Possibly, it will not. It will be better if you use WILL. (This will not impact the band score.) 

As this course charges extremely high fees (Since the course fees is extremely high), I would be grateful if the company could foot the bill. It would also be appreciated if I could get assistance from the company in finding a place to stay in London.

(Why haven’t you asked for a leave? It will not impact the score. But this seems logical.)

Not a major issue but the examiner will call this ‘scope to write better’: A course can’t charge high fees. A course organizer can.

Alternate: Since the course is extremely costly, it will be wonderful if the company can finance at least 50 percent of the fees. Moreover, I will need a break from the work for the duration of this course. During this period I will be in touch with the marketing staff of the company so that I can implement the concepts learned for the benefit of the company. I request you to grant me a paid leave.

This course will be of immense significance for my job because to promote and advertise the product of our company, (wrong punctuation – no comma here) we need to reach the maximum number of young customers. The internet is the place where we can find out our potential customers. So, if I learned learn the fundamentals of internet marketing, I would will perform my job responsibilities more efficiently.

I am optimistic that you would permit me to attend this course.

Yours faithfully,

William Smith.

Well written. The only area that needs improvement is the introduction. Make it more human and less mechanical. The body paragraphs are clear and specific. Good job!

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