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IELTS Essay Correction: Economic Progress Is Most Important Goal.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some governments believe that financial progress (economic development) is their extremely important target to achieve (1). However, others think that other forms of progress should also be looked into simultaneously (other forms of progress are equally important. OR other forms of progress should be given equal significance.). I agree with the latter statement as without a progress in terms of education, law, and health, a country cannot strengthen its economy.

1. An important advice: Do not change the words that form the core of the question. If you try to find synonyms to these words, you will carry the risk of altering the question’s meaning. For example, economic is not the same as financial. While the latter relates to money matters only, the former is related to trade, money, and industry. A product manufactured and stored in a warehouse is a part of the economy, but not finance. Similarly, extremely important target is not the same as most important goal.

Some governments believe that economic development of the country is their most important responsibility/ duty.

Admittedly, (2) A country is included among the first world countries if its economic condition is strong. Many regions of the world such as the UK, USA, and China are actively involved in import and export business to generate revenues from other nations. Through this money, they develop tourist resorts to attract more and more visitors and, hence, reinvigorate (3) strengthen their economy. (Fine, but why is economic development their most important goal? You need to explain why this is the most important goal.) In short, such nations have a goal in common that is to develop their economy and become an independent country.

2. Admittedly is used when you agree to something true in an unwilling manner. Admittedly, I could have avoided the accident if I had applied the brakes harder.

3. Reinvigorate is used when something has lost energy and then regained it.

You’ve tried to develop the above paragraph in a logical manner. This is well done. But you’ve not answered the question. The question is “Why economic development is the most important goal”. Economic development is the only manner in which a government can provide good services to its citizens and secure their future. (Now explain – good services + Economic development; secure future + economic development) Only an economically developed country can provide healthcare, education, power, and roads to its citizens. Also, only such a country can maintain law and order which ensures a safe future for its citizens. An economically poor country can neither serve its citizens nor save them from any threat such as terrorism. Thus, economic progress is the most important duty of a government.

Contrarily, if a nation is backward medically, legally or educationally, it is very unlikely for it to develop. Healthy and literate citizens of a country participate effectively in prosperity and growth of the nation in all aspects. (HOW? Explain. They earn a high income and pay heavy taxes which lead to economic development of the country.) Similarly, strict legislations and punishments are solutions to criminal activities, which imperil the economic progress of a country. (Explain how this leads to economic development OR how its absence prevents economic development. Weak economic laws, for instance, allow rich people to get richer at the expense of the poor. Many industrialists in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh often use weak laws to loot the public money and abscond to western countries.) For instance, Pakistan, even though advanced in industries of agriculture, clothing, and textiles, is not developed economically because of lacking in lack of education and health facilities (The example should relate to the idea mentioned just before it. The idea is on the role of LAW. Formulate an example on “How formulating laws is more important for government.”.). Therefore, it is critically important for the concerned authorities to focus on the aforementioned social issues besides the economy.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that the main intentions of a government should not only be to grow the country financially but also to advance it socially.

The essay needs to be improved on several counts: 1. Maintain proper task response in body paragraph 1. 2. Develop ideas adequately in body paragraph 2. 3. Use more appropriate words. In pursuit of finding synonyms, do not compromise the meaning of the essay.

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