Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Increase Tax on Gasoline​ (Petrol) To Reduce Traffic And Pollution.

Some people think that reduce traffic and pollution, the government should increase the tax on petrol (gasoline). Do advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is true that severe traffic jams and increased level of pollution are major global concerns. Some people put forth the idea that concerned authorities should levy heavy taxes on gasoline to counter these grave issues. However, I believe that this development would have more drawbacks than its benefits. (Well done! I love the use of collocations and cohesive/ referencing devices. A clear, concise and precise introduction.)

As many argue, the major advantage to impose of imposing taxes on patrol is that it will discourage people to use from using private vehicles for commuting (Preposition mistake – advantage of; discourage from.). This is because the traveling cost will be increased increase and an average income family will not afford commuting in private cars. As a result, they would change their means of transport to cleaner public transport systems such as a metro train which is much cleaner than private transport. Hence, imposing heavy taxes will (incomplete sentence) solve the problems of dense traffic and severe pollution.

Wrong placement of the word cleaner means that there are public transport systems that are not clean. But people travel through clean public transport. Compare it with public transport.

Despite this compelling benefit, I would argue that heavy taxes on gasoline will bring more drawbacks. Firstly, this would trigger inflation in an economy. Generally, transportation cost is included in the price of every commodity. With the increase of in petrol price, this cost would also go up. As a result consequence, (Consequently) the price of essential goods such as medicines, sugar, salt, and food grains would be increased.

Remember my previous advice: Sprinkle examples like icing on the cake. The idea is clearly stated. There is scope for a better explanation by writing a few examples using such as.

In turn, high inflation rate could result in serious economic setbacks (failures) such as low currency and exchange rate (Is this related to inflation? If yes, please establish a clear link. If not, this will count as a separate point which must be elaborated adequately.). In addition, these increased taxes will not affect the affluent people as small cost rise increase in cost will not prompt them to sacrifice the convenience of traveling in private cars (and can will result in little (an insignificant) reduction in the volume of the traffic). In contrast, poor people can be severely impacted. A little rise in the price can put tremendous pressure on their earnings (budget/ savings). (Explain in the next sentence how exactly their expenses/ savings are impacted.) They might may not able to meet basic needs due to an increase in the cost of clothes, food items, and traveling which are closely related to the price of oil. requirements or save any money because of increased expenses of traveling.

There is scope to improve the above paragraph by using better words (budget/ savings) and elaborating more specifically (last sentence).

In conclusion, the disadvantages of imposing heavy taxes on patrol to solve the traffic and pollution problems are far outweigh (Nothing wrong in using the word given in the question statement. Using an inaccurate synonym will impact your score.) outreach its advantages as this would increase inflation and burden poor people financially.

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