Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Medical Surveys Of Treatments To Reduce Health Problems.

Nowadays there are many medical surveys of treatments to reduce health problems. Who should conduct them, governments, individuals or private companies, in your opinion?

Please read the SAMPLE ANSWER (listen to the audio recording as well).

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Health is an important sector in which regular research is necessary for the betterment of individuals. In t These days, in an effort to minimize health-related issues, a number of medical studies (studies are different from surveys) of treatments are conducted. In my view, these treatments related surveys need to be conducted by governments as well as by private drug manufacturing companies since the former can assess available health care services and health status of the nation and latter one can find safety and efficacy data of their manufactured drugs.

The introduction is too long. You can comfortably avoid the second sentence to reduce its size. Let us merge the first and second sentences: Health is an important sector in which regular research and surveys are conducted to treat numerous diseases. In my view ……..

Governments can gather information and statistics about the effectiveness of treatment regimen in a large number of patients. By With this informative data, they not only come to know about health conditions of the general population but also the success rate of implemented health services. Therefore, governments would certainly be able to work on potential areas which need improvements. (Wonderful! You’ve developed the arguments in a logical and precise manner while maintaining proper task response.) For instance, National Institutes of Health in India is a government organization which has conducted a number of studies related to slum population suffering from Polio, due to which and the government used this data to started special polio eradication program for slum areas. (Due to which is incorrect.) (The example is well constructed and is very specific.)

Private companies, especially drug manufacturers, should conduct research and review studies (I don’t think research and review are same as surveys) regularly collect patient data about their manufactured drugs such as paracetamol (Sprinkle a few names – examples). By conducting such surveys they get data about the safe and effective doses as well as adverse effects of the drug treatments in varied population, which consequently help them to decide whether that particular medical treatment is effective for large population or they need to manufacture any new drug with a better profile. Thus, such private companies can produce better and effective treatments, which stand them in good stead among others. (The argument is well developed. Good job!)

You can create an example. A simple one: For example, companies such as Cipla conduct surveys in various parts of India to collect data and check how long do the antibiotics take to cure a patient. This is used to find out if the Indians are developing antibiotic resistance.

To conclude, surveys are a good method to collect data from a large number of people and medical surveys would be beneficial for mankind as they provide information about the effectiveness of medical treatments. Therefore, both government and private companies should conduct surveys for the well being of their citizens.

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