Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Medical Surveys Of Treatments To Reduce Health Problems – 2.

Nowadays there are many medical surveys of treatments to reduce health problems. Who should conduct them, governments, individuals or private companies, in your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the SAMPLE ANSWER (listen to the audio recording as well).

Answer:

It is ironic to note that despite the advancements in medical science, people still suffer severely from serious diseases. To gather information about these diseases, different medical surveys are being conducted by individuals, private firms and governments throughout the world. In my opinion, I think that (= in my opinion. These words are redundant and are counted as repetition. This will impact your score.) government should be entitled to carry out such surveys.

(Wrong word choice – entitled. This means that the government should have the right to conduct these surveys. This indirectly means that individuals and companies should have no LEGAL right to conduct surveys. There is an important difference between ‘government should conduct surveys‘ and ‘government should be entitled to conduct surveys‘)

The main reason why government should conduct medical surveys is that people would not hesitate to provide information to government agents. This is because citizens can trust the intentions of government as such surveys are generally conducted by authorities to provide better healthcare facilities. (Very well argued.) In contrast, the public would not disclose accurate information about their medical conditions to individuals or private firms simply because some of the diseases are personal (1) such as AIDS, pregnancy failure and infertility are too personal to reveal to a stranger. (You’ve learned the art of sprinkling examples like icing on the cake. Well done.) Moreover, the social stigma attached to such illnesses which prompts people to be reluctant to tell and people they (referencing) cannot show confidence in the integrity of the objectives (motives) to conduct such surveys conducted by medical experts and companies. (They will doubt the integrity of the surveys, not the objectives.)

1. Place such as next to the word it exemplifies. Here it gives examples of diseases (not personal).

The ideas are very well argued. The comparisons are fine.

Additionally, governments have the necessary resources to make a medical survey successful (to make a medical survey a success …..) as it can be carried out at a large scale. For example, in India, government hospitals and dispensaries are available in rural as well in urban areas. Government employees working in these health centers can reach the more number of people than any other agencies agency can do. Therefore, the government is more competent and suitable for conducting medical surveys.

In conclusion, as per my perspective, the government is more suitable than the individuals or private companies to carry out medical surveys as people would not be reluctant to give information to government agencies and they can reach a wider population.

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