Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Teachers Have A Bigger Influence On Children Than Parents – 5.

When children start school, teachers have a bigger influence on their academic and social development as compared to their parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is believed by some that during the early years in school, teachers play a major role in academically and socially influencing their pupils as compared to their father and mother (The first their refers to teachers, the second refers to children. One pronoun can’t refer to two nouns.). I completely agree with this view because students not only students spend most of their time at school with them but also, (no comma in not only X but also Y construction) teachers possess specialized skills in teaching compared to their parents.

Parallelism issue: Not only X but also Y construction – the first word of X and the first word of Y must belong to the same family. Here, the first word of X is spend (a verb) and the first word of Y is teachers (a noun). Please use either verb or noun for both. Read my article on RULES OF PARALLELISM.

Despite a few mistakes, you’ve structured the introduction nicely. You’ve clearly mentioned the reasons supporting your opinion.

Children beginning their primary education spend a significant time with their teachers at school on a daily basis. As they attend many classes of not only academic interest, but also about how to behave socially (parallelism mistake as mentioned above) about various subjects and appropriate social behavior (1), they are more influenced by their teachers as compared to their parents. For instance, in majority of primary schools, children spend at least eight hours daily, learning different academic subjects history, science, mathematics, literature and lessons on communication, table manners, honesty, integrity moral values (2), however, they do not get much time to spend with their parents because their parents have a job and other commitments to fulfill. 

1. Avoid using not only but also construction multiple times. You can use and. Also, note that the rules of parallelism apply to X and Y construction also. The first word of X (various) and the first word of Y (appropriate) are adjectives.

2. Here’s a nice tip. You can strengthen your answer by writing names as examples. Instead of writing academic subjects, write the names of these subjects. Similarly, instead of writing moral values, mention a few values and social skills. Practice this for different essays. We’ll keep working on this front.

Moreover, as compared to parents, teachers possess specialized skills in imparting education as compared to parents because schools employ teachers with certain minimum educational qualification and teaching experience. For instance, teachers with specialized degrees such as Bachelor of Education with a few years of teaching relevant experience (Word repetition – teach) at a primary level are found to create a deep influence on their pupils both in academics academically and socially (Parallelism mistake – can you find out?) as well (as well = and. Use either of them.) because of the unique teaching skills learned over the years while working in various schools (= few years of relevant experience. Repetition.). Similarly, for teaching various sports such as football and volleyball, schools usually employ teachers with educational credentials and experience in sports to train their students, which really has a positive influence on their studentsYou’ve not presented any example of the point on unique skills of teachers. I suggest that instead of writing sports as a new point, present it as an example. For example, sports teachers spend years learning about rules, techniques, strategies of various games such as football and cricket. They also understand physical fitness and help children stay healthy. Parents do not have an expertise in this domain.

To conclude, teachers have a significant role in academic and social development during the early years of children at school as compared to their parents since they undergo specialized training to impart education and moral values and also children spend the most time in school with teachers.

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