Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Ask Disruptive Children To Leave Class.

Some people think that teachers should be able to ask disruptive children to leave the class. Do you think it is the best way to deal with a disruptive child in the classroom? What other solutions are there?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Discipline in schools is important for the holistic development of the students. Some people often thought think (present tense) that teachers should have the authority to dismiss students with uncivil behavior. I think this approach of teacher’s acts as counter-effective rather than a deterrent. Therefore, (1) The disruptive nature of the students can should rather be managed by the restorative approach. (Rather makes this approach the opposite of the dismiss approach.)

1. Therefore is used when you conclude an argument and want to give a result. Since there is no scope for developing an argument in the introduction, I strongly suggest not to use such concluding words in the introduction.

Expelling undisciplined students from classrooms may result in counter effect (may be counterproductive). In other words, such students become more rebellious and violent when they feel disrespect and discouragement from the teachers. Thus, this method of punishment worsens (parallelism – first word of X and Y should belong to the same family – theirnot only worsens their behavioral performance (their behavior) but also their academic performance. For instance, a number of studies on student’s behaviour in Indian schools have revealed the fact that exclusionary punishment is associated with increased dropout rates, poor academic grades and higher juvenile delinquencies. (Parallelism – increased, poor and higher – adjectives)

The arguments are well developed in a logical manner. Clear and concise.

In order to mend the disruptive behavior of the students, educators need to adopt restorative methods instead of retributive ones. Firstly, teachers need to be known about know the reason of for the misbehavior of the learners so that they can remove the root cause of the problem (so that they can address the root cause.). In this way, the teacher becomes able to build a good relationship with such students, and this (2) ultimately results in their improved attitude. Secondly, teachers should pair undisciplined students with sincere pupils. By doing so, they learn etiquettes and values from their group mates and gradually become disciplined. To exemplify, in schools, my teachers used to split the group of undisciplined students and divide them into houses of intelligent ones merge (mix) them with intelligent ones, and, thereby, became the teachers were (2) able to mend their agile minds.

2. Sentence Structuring Issue: These are independent clauses and they should have their own subject. What ultimately results in their improved attitude? Who were able to mend their adult minds. A clause can be written without a subject only when it borrows a subject from the main sentence. Read your clauses again. Do they borrow a subject from the main sentence? If not, they are incorrect. My dad, working every day of his life, does not know what a holiday is. Working every day of his life” does not have a subject. But, it borrows one (dad) from the main sentence.

To conclude, students are energetic and mischievous, so it is necessary to channelize their energy into right direction. Therefore in the case of any wrongdoings, teachers should approach students through motivation rather than by punishment.

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