Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: A Zoo Has No Useful Purpose.

A zoo has no useful purpose. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Zoos, which are an artificially created environment, provide shelter to the animals when humans are (pronoun their needs a plural noun) is continuously destroying natural resources especially forest lands in order to fulfill their own needs. Some people opine that zoos are functionless as they do not provide any benefit to the society. I completely disagree with this view because zoos play a crucial role in conservation of wild life and in proliferation of economy of the nation. (1)

1. Note that you’ve expressed conservation of wildlife in the opening sentence of the introduction. In fact, the opening sentence seems to be an explanation of ‘conservation of wildlife’. This has made the introduction too long. Avoid repetition of ideas. A zoo, which is an artificially created environment, provides shelter to animals. Some people …..

The first and foremost purpose of a zoo is to preserve the flora and fauna of a particular region. This is because, the natural environment for the living of animals is diminishing owing to the human desire to acquire more and more land, c Consequently, (2) this leads to the extinction of the wild species of animals. Therefore, by providing natural habitat in the form of zoos, such endangered species can be saved. The Bengal Tiger, for instance, is was listed as endangered species in 2008, but, by 2016, the Indian government has become able to increase its population by establishing special conservatory zoos for them. (The arguments are well developed. The example is clear, concise and specific. The paragraph scores well on task response.)

2. Consequently = as a result = this leads to. Follow one the following structures. Do not mix them. Note the use of commas: more and more land and, consequently, many animal species get extinct; …. more and more land. Consequently, many animal species get extinct; …. more and more land and, as a result, many animal species get extinct; …. more and more land. As a result, many animal species get extinct.

Another important function of a zoo is its ability (mention either ability or function. Using both will reduce your LR score as it reflects lack of understanding about word usage.) to generate revenue through tourism. Being a reflection of the wildlife of a nation, (An excellent modifier.) a zoo attracts a large number of tourists not only from local areas but also from foreign countries. As a result, governments can earn revenue in the form of foreign currency, which can be used for the development of the nation. To exemplify, The Hindustan times has recently published the popularity of the National Zoological Park, Delhi, as it generated at revenue of five lakhs in 2017.

In conclusion, animals are the an important part of the ecosystem and a zoo provide habitat to them. Therefore their usefulness cannot be overlooked.

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