Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Governments Spend Too Much Money On Wildlife.

It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some serious projects are being implemented lately all over the world with a view to preserving preserve (1) wildlife species on earth. However, it cannot be justified that an excessive amount of government funds is being allocated to these projects and that too at the expense of ignoring other serious issues on earth such as illiteracy, lack of medical institutions and dilapidated infrastructure.

1. to + infinitive form of verb; for + gerund (ing) for of verb.

To begin with, there are several factors which justify the expenditure incurred on wildlife protection. Primarily, an array of endangered species are on the brink of getting extinct. In order to protect them, it is important to protect their natural habitats and establish safe man-made habitats such as zoos, parks, and sanctuaries, which require a hefty sum of money. Failing to implement all this may not only result in earth losing its beauty of diversity (2) but may also cause loss of millions of dollars in revenue generated by tourism industry from such places replete with wildlife. For instance, the African Safari tour is considered to be one of the prominent tourist attraction spots of Africa, which attracts almost 30% of international tourists. Thus, if efforts are done to preserve wildlife, the results are likely to be more lucrative for countries.

2. ….may not only X but also Y = not only may X but also may Y

The ideas expressed in the previous paragraph are clear and concise. They are logically developed. Task response is excellent, cohesion and lexical resource are good.

Additionally, wildlife constitutes a major part of our food chain. Thus, if it is destroyed, it would disturb the whole ecosystem. To substantiate, according to a study by World Wildlife Organization, with just one tiger, 25000 acres if direct can be protected, which provides us with a plenty of resources such as food, medicines, and fuel (What is 25000 acres? How will the Tiger protect it? If it is protected, how will humans use these resources? The language is vague and the idea does not seem logical.). Unarguably, all of these elements have a direct impact in on humans’ lives. Contrarily, even if money is spent to build educational institutions, hospitals, and infrastructure, humans might not enjoy them due to the lack of paper, medicines, and fuel. (I can’t see the connection with wildlife.)

Additionally, wildlife is important for the survival of humanity. (Explain the link between wildlife and human survival) Preservation of wildlife ensures that the ecosystem is healthy and such ecosystems protect humans from various diseases and disasters. (Wildlife – ecosystem – humans) For example, forests absorb carbon dioxide and reduce the effects of global warming. Consequently, humans need to invest heavily in the preservation of species. Although infrastructure, education, and hospitals are important, I think the survival of our species should have precedence over all other domains. (Compare with other areas.) 

To conclude, it is evident that the expenditure incurred on the conservation and maintenance of wild species of plants and animals is the need of the hour. Unless It is they taken care of, lost the loss of wild species diversity, tourism revenue and natural resources would be unavoidable. Therefore, I again disagree that the money spent on wildlife preservation is way too much; in fact this field should always be a priority over other less appalling problems of earth. (You’ve sufficiently concluded in the first two sentences. Do not write more than that.)

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