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IELTS Essay Correction: Sports Is Important For A Nation’s Development.

Some people say that sport is very important for a nation’s development, while others believe that sport is no more than a leisure time activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

There is some evidence that sport is crucial for a nations’ progress, which, in my opinion, is truly logical since sport it (1) can develop the nations’ economy and culture, whereas others acknowledge that sport it is useful only for free times due to its positive effects on people’s health and mood. (It is better to mention your opinion in the introduction.) I agree with the former/ latter view.

1. Use referencing words (pronouns) to refer back to a noun. This helps avoid repetition and improves cohesion.

It is assumed that sport is (that sports are) beneficial for a nations’ development since the world stops to watch the World Cup and Olympic every four years and it is the best opportunity for nations to introduce themselves to the world. Knowing other people is plays a vital role in establishing trust between countries which leads to growing globalization and ends up in economical economic growth in countries worldwide (The structure is weird. It can be written in a simpler and more effective format: which strengthens globalization and leads to economic prosperity in all countries.) (2). Meanwhile, sports’ events are the best place which where people can promote their culture to before other nations. (How does this lead to development?) For instance, the recent World Cup in Russia not only reminds Russian culture to its own people but also makes stronger bond between other nations with Russian culture. (Does this lead to development? Weak Task Response. – 3)

2. You’ve jumped to a conclusion. How does introducing in games lead to globalization and economic prosperity? The logical development of argument is missing. You may choose to write fewer points, but you must explain them well. Sports are a perfect opportunity to improve relations between countries. (write your idea in a short and simple sentence. The explanatory sentences can be complex, but not the IDEA sentence.) Many political leaders use them as a platform to meet with leaders of other countries and discuss issues. (How do they improve relations?) This helps in the economic growth of countries and maintains world peace. (Benefits of improving relations.)

3. Please connect this idea with the theme of the question – development. How does the cultural connect lead to development? Moreover, sports events are the perfect place to promote the culture of all countries. (IDEA Sentence.) This increases the cultural relations among different nations by increasing understanding and creating respect for others’ cultures. (How does the promotion of culture help?) In turn, the business relations improve and the possibility of a conflict reduces. (How does the promotion of culture help – DEVELOPMENT Context.) For instance, cricket matches between India and Pakistan have brought the people of the two countries closer by promoting an understanding of different cultures of the two countries. This has resolved military conflicts peacefully and improved business relations. (Example with proper task response.)

On the other hand, others maintain that sport is only the best activity for free times and it improves individuals’ physical and mental health. (The opening sentence of your body paragraph 2 must reflect on the idea – “Sport is no more than a leisure time activity.” On the other hand, certain people consider sports only for rejuvenation and recreation. They maintain that it has nothing to do with a nation’s development.) Note that the latter part of the question is not in isolation. It is not about the physical and mental benefits of sports. It is about the point that it has no impact on a nation’s development but only personal benefits.

Since high blood sugar and cholesterol is are detrimental for humans’ health, doing exercise is crucial to prevent control health issues. Practising physical activity for at least half an hour every day is recommended for all age groups. (Let me alter this idea in perspective of a country’s development: Sports indeed help in keeping humans healthy by preventing diabetes, hypertension, and depression. However, these are only personal benefits. Jogging, playing football with a few friends is excellent for the physical and mental well being but it has no connection with the economic development of the country. For example, I play ice hockey every winter and it has kept me fit. However, it has made no impact on my economic performance which makes my country stronger.)

Meanwhile, Moreover, monotonous living brings about depression which ends up with suicidal thoughts. Being active and playing sport is useful to break the routines. The recent survey shows that Canadians playing hockey is 28 percent happier and healthier than the pilot group. 

In conclusion, since there are various negative (Which negative opinions?) opinions about sports’ positive effects on nations’ development, I tend to agree with the opponents (which opponents? I can see two views – which of them is the opponent? The use of SINCE  at the beginning of the sentence is flawed. Can you guess why?) since sports have numerous positive impact on nations’ economy and culture. Therefore, it is the governments’ responsibility to pass laws to held hold sports international events annually.

The conclusion is not clear. It has a lot of vagueness.

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