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IELTS Essay Correction: Parents Should Teach Children How To Be Good Members Of Society.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Children are supposed to be (1) our future, therefore, they should learn (1) how to be a good citizen of the society. According to a few people, parents play an instrumental role in shaping the future of (there’s nothing called ‘the future’ of personality) their child’s personality. Whereas, some say that educational institutions are the place where children should learn (1) to be a respectable citizen. (Let us combine the two sentences into one: While some people believe that parents have a greater role to play in this endeavor, others think teachers have a more important role. (this = morals and ethics – see (1) below)) This essay will discuss why learnings provided by the schools are beneficial but why teachings given by parents are much valuable and helpful(Of course, the essay will elaborate these points. It’s obvious. Use this space to mention your opinion.)

1. Children are our future. There is no supposition here. Plus, it is not their responsibility to learn, but our responsibility to teach. Children are the future of a community and it is the responsibility of both teachers and parents to teach them morals and ethics (= good members of society).

Please do not use words that are not logical in a context. You’ve used several such words above – supposed to be, future of personality.

Mostly (wrong placement. If it is all, how can it be mostly?) All schools focus primarily on the academic front. In order to achieve (build) a good (prosperous/ successful) professional career and be financially stable in the competitive world, they the children (2) need to go through the subjects taught in schools. For instance, formal examinations are the ways to carve the student professionally and make them stand on their own (3). But (missing subject – 4) they do not focus on the other aspects such a cultural domain which is important to be acceptable in the society. Hence, schools are taking care of only scholastic achievements of the students. (5)

2. A pronoun is used to refer to a noun. However, ‘they’ does not refer back to any noun.

3. This is NOT an example. An example is built from facts – data, names. For example, to become a successful engineer, a student needs to learn the concepts of mathematics, science at schools level. He also needs a thorough understanding of languages to communicate clearly with his team members, clients, and superiors.

4. Fragment sentence: These are incomplete sentences. You will lose bands for writing a fragment sentence.

5. Does this make children good members of society? Without this, you’ve missed the task response. The purpose of this paragraph is to PROVE that schools help children become good members of a societyThis enables them to act responsibly, live peacefully, and pay taxes for the development of the society.

On the other hand, parents have always been the role models and give the right amount of (can’t quantify morals and ethicsmoral and cultural ethics to their offsprings. They are considered to be the best tutors as they know exactly how and when to imbibe the morality and ancestral principles in them children (One pronoun should refer to one noun only. They and them should refer to parents only.). For example, I have done (completed) my schooling from a boarding school and used to be extremely arrogant to my fellow classmates until I came back home under the guidance of my parents and grandparents who taught me to be more respectful to my friends and neighbors. In addition, they explained me the concept of sharing and caring which I feel is must needed required to be a good person. Therefore, to be a better person in the society, (6) parents are the best guides.

6. Modifier issue: A modifier is a clause that does not have an independent existence and it gives additional information a noun. It is always placed next to the noun it modifies. For example: King George, riding on a horse, suddenly realized that he had missed something. Who is riding on the horse? King George. Similarly, in your sentence, to be a better person in the society modifies parents. That is, parents are meant to become a better person. Not children. Correct sentence construction: Therefore, parents are the best guides to make children better citizens of a country.

You can read my article on MODIFIERS. This will help you immesely in constructing the right sentences.

You can also understand the placement of modifiers in complex sentences by watching a video and reading my article on Sentence Structure Discussion – 2.

In conclusion, the youth of today are our hope for better tomorrow. This essay discussed why the (don’t write this. Redundant words. Don’t make much sense.) family members are crucial in making their children a better members of the society but why schools may not be the right place where a child can learn to be a good human being (Ouch! You’re supposed to ‘discuss both views’ – that is, justify each view.). In my opinion, parents should spend more time with their children, (wrong punctuation) so that they can understand the values and disciplines of the society.

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