Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Follow Latest Fashion, Hairstyles.

Nowadays in many countries, people are following the latest fashion, hairstyles and so on. Why are they so influenced by fashion? Is it a positive or negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Fashion is the buzzword today. Many people keep updating their looks as per the latest fashion trends. The main reasons behind such an attitude of fashion followers is the influence of celebrities and the (parallelism issue. Rules of Parallelism.) desire to be accepted by others. This effects of this attitude are hugely negative. (The introduction is well structured and clear.)

To begin with, one of the major causes for of the blind following of fashion trends in most nations is the influence of celebrities. To elaborate, being role models of most of the people, (1) dressing sense of famous people is considered as a benchmark for commoners. Therefore, as such public figures change their looks in new movies, shows or even in reality, new trends in fashion become popular instantly. Thus, people also change their looks accordingly (this sentence does not convey anything meaningful. It is the same as popular instantly.). Another reason for this trend of imitating new the latest fashion trends (avoid word repetition – trendis the desire to look better than others. Many people wear new clothes not for their own satisfaction and contentment but to impress others. Thus, in order to look smarter in others’ eyes (in order to make a strong impression on others), people prefer to wear a unique dress and the latest fashionable fashion (accessories are not fashionable, people are.) accessories such as those from Gucci and Armani, which makes them stand out in of the crowd.

1. A modifier gives additional information about the word it placed next to. Here, it gives additional information about “DRESSING SENSE”. Not celebrities. This is incorrect. Change sentence structure to since X, Y. Since celebrities like Amitabh Bachchan are role models for most people, their dressing sense is considered a ………

The arguments are sufficiently developed. You could have added a few examples using such as. (Remember, you do not need to write examples in complete sentences. These can be sprinkled like icing on the cake with idea sentences as well.) Need better sentence structuring.

Undoubtedly, this trend of copying new fashion trends can only be perceived as negative due to the following repercussions. (Very clear statement expressing your opinion. Good Job!) Primarily, it is responsible for the loss of not only traditional attires but also of nations’ cultural diversity. For instance, people from Punjab, which is a state in northern India, have almost lost their traditional dress ‘khaddar-Kurta’ since most of the men there can be seen wearing shorts and trousers. Another adverse effect (good connecting device) is the wastage of time and money. People spend extravagantly on purchasing new dresses and visiting beauty parlor. To substantiate, according to an editorial page’s article in ‘The Tribune’ by Mr. Rajesh Ramachandran in July 2018, about 25% of an average person’s (Indian’s) salary is used up in purchasing clothes, cosmetics, and accessories which are not actually required.

The arguments in the paragraph above are well developed. I like your example of Punjab. It is very specific and strong in content. Cohesion and Lexical Resources are good. Task response is adequate. I do not see any serious grammar mistake.

In conclusion, a strong impression left by the tinsel world on people’s mind along with an individual’s desires to seek appreciation gives rise to the trend of following latest fashion statements. Unfortunately, people are losing not only their traditional identity but their invaluable time and hard earned money as well, in order to look fashionable. The sooner the people realize the grave consequences of this trend, the better it is.

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