Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Spend Money On Housing and Road Than On Restoration.

Government is spending money on the restoration of the old building throughout the world. Should the government spend money on housing and road development instead of restoration? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

NOTE: Keep instead of restoration in mind while writing the answer.

Answer:

The government is utilizing its funds on the restoration of ancient buildings throughout the world. According to some, these should be used on for housing and road development. I agree with this statement as it will lead to (1) affordable housing and reduction in traffic congestion.

1. Parallelism: It refers to the use of words belonging to the same family. In certain constructions, the first words of X and Y should follow the rule of parallelism. X and Y. If the first word of X is a noun, the first word of Y should also be a noun. While AFFORDABLE is an adjective, REDUCTION is a noun. It will lead to (1) affordable ….. and (2) drastic reduction …. Affordable and drastic are adjectives.

Read my article on RULES OF PARALLELISM to understand this concept in a greater detail.

The introduction is very well structured. You’ve adequately mentioned the reasons supporting your opinion.

Affordable housing is the need of the hour. Due to the large influx of population towards cities and ever-increasing prices of lands, owning a house has become a dream impossible (2) for a large proportion of immigrant population these days. In absence of a house, these immigrant (3) people resort to living on open land which slowly converts into slum which that (avoid repeating whichacts as a blot on a city’s beauty (subject-verb disagreement. SLUM is a singular noun and it requires a singular verb. Read my article on Subject Verb Disagreement.) (numerous mistakes of ARTICLES.). Dharavi is a prime example of this, in t . The (4) absence of housing for the people who migrated from villages and act as a lifeline of the city, (4) (5) has converted it into the largest slum in Asia. Therefore, the government should spend on building affordable houses in order to keep the beauty of cities in intact.

2. It was always a dream. Not that dream is impossible to realize. Use the most appropriate words to express ideas. This will increase your lexical resource score. Remember, the ideas must be clearly communicated and this required most appropriate words.

3. You didn’t mention earlier that large proportion of population immigrant people. Better avoid this word since you’ve used THESE which is a referencing device.

4. You must know where to use the right punctuation mark. There is a place for a period and a place for a comma. Do not confuse them. 

5. CITY is a singular noun and you must use an article with it. Otherwise, this will count as a grammar mistake. Now, here’s the problem with using an article. You’ve named Dharavi, so you can’t write ‘a city‘ since it will mean any city in the world. You can’t use ‘the city’ since the demands reference to a specific city you’ve named earlier (MUMBAI). The right sentence structure is: For example, Dharavi, which is the lifeline of Mumbai, has become the largest slum of Asia due to a severe shortage of housing for the immigrant population.

Paragraph analysis: This paragraph is weak on task response. The question’s context is that the money spent on restoring old buildings should be spent (diverted) for affordable housing. You’ve made no reference of old buildings. (NOTE: instead of restoration.)

For example, recently the Indian government spent more than 100 million dollars to restore heritage structures in the Capital city. This money could have been used to build more than 100,000 homes for the poor people of the city.

Traffic Congestion and road accidents is the main area of concern today. N The number of vehicles plying on roads has increased massively in the last two decades but the condition of roads have has (subject = condition = singular.) remained the same in these years. As a result of this, cities, today are marred by massive traffic jams during the peak hours and in rainy seasons. The absence of multiple lanes and flyovers on highways has resulted in a large number of accidents. (If the government diverts funds from the restoration of ancient buildings, which do not serve any meaningful purpose, to the widening of roads, these lives can be saved and property losses can be prevented.) Recent a study has revealed that there were last year about 10,000 people died on highways, which were single lane, last year in India. So, the government should spend money on making roads wider and new flyovers in order to make roads safe and secure.

You’ve developed the arguments well. But, as mentioned earlier, there is a lack of task response.

In conclusion, I agree that the government (agree that governments should use their …) should use its finances in building houses and roads as it will greatly reduce the slums from mushrooming in cities and will make roads more safer and free from traffic congestion. (Poor task response.)

You need to work on two areas: 1. proper task response. 2. Grammar (Articles, Subject-Verb Agreement, and Parallelism).

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