Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: New Employees Lack Interpersonal Skills.

Some employers find that their new employees lack in basic interpersonal skills such as lack of ability to work with colleagues as a team. What are the causes of this problem? Suggest solutions.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the sample answer to this question here: Interpersonal Skills of Employees.

Answer:

It is argued that some employers find newly hired personnel lack interpersonal skills, as well as the ability to function as part of a team. This essay will first suggest that the principal cause of such an issue is that learning institutions often neglect teaching life skills and then submit some solutions to address this problem. (1)

1. Of course, the essay will first present the reasons for this problem and then suggest solutions. These are the question. Merely writing question statements as sentences will reduce your bands since you’ve shown that you lack the ability to express your ideas in your own words. Write this differently. Do not use ‘this essay will‘. I think the principal cause (reason) for this (such an) issue is that the learning institutions often neglect teaching life skills. There are a few methods to address this problem.

The main cause of this problem that is currently affecting a majority of newly hired employees (this is a referencing device that refers back to the problem clearly mentioned in the introduction. Please do not explain again. The referencing device has done this job.) is that schools tend to put too much emphasis for students to excel on excelling academically (The right preposition with emphasis is on.). To illustrate this, h Having aimed to be globally competitive, most schools focus on major subjects such as Science, Technology, and Math. As a result, the opportunity to hone soft skills have has been given less attention. (subject = opportunity = singular)

When IELTS essay involves two questions, you should give equal weight to both of them. You’ve placed more emphasis on the latter question than on the former question. Please develop the ideas properly. This important for task response and lexical resource scores. I suggest taking two points (academics vs extracurricular; sciences vs communication) and explaining them completely. Let me divide your paragraph into two IDEAS and explain each:

The main cause of this problem is that schools tend to put too much emphasis on excelling in academics (IDEA 1. Now explain this in about two sentences). Students are compelled to learn the textbooks only and score well in the exams (How academics do not help). They are given no opportunity to engage in extracurricular activities such as speeches, debates, etc which hone their interpersonal skills (How extracurricular can help but they’re not allowed)

Moreover, most schools focus on subjects such as Science and Mathematics that are professionally useful (IDEA 2. Now explain in about two sentences). These subjects promote competition but not cooperation (How sciences do not help). Languages, on the other hand, demand coordination between students to conduct various plays (How languages help). This strengthens interpersonal skills.

Nonetheless, there are still viable solutions to mitigate this problem. The foremost solution is to develop (conduct/ organize) workshops to provide opportunities for students to exercise soft skills. For example, leadership skill training and conflict management workshops can be included in the curriculum of Universities. (This solution is clearly written and explained.) Another feasible solution is to encourage students to participate in extra-curricular activities such as sports and music and hold related events that are related to each one. For example, a sports club could be established for students to join which (2) provides them with the avenue to relate with others and to develop life skills which are quite essential as they finish their degree (Which life skills? How do they improve interpersonal skills? – see a more specific response in point 2. – The idea is not clearly explained. NOTE you need to be more specific and precise to score higher bands.). Finally, increasing the hours of on the job training or internship in various workplaces can also help them improve and develop self-confidence. (HOW? Do not mention an idea if you’re planning not to explain it.)

2. WHICH is an adjective pronoun. That is, it is used to refer to a noun and give a clause about the quality of that noun. Place it next to the noun it qualifies. In this case – sports clubFor example, students should join sports clubs which provide opportunities for cooperation, teamwork, leadership, and interaction through Football, basketball, and Cricket.

To conclude, this issue regarding skills gap has been caused by inadequacies related to the education system and this could only be mitigated if different trainings and activities would be implemented in the school and college curricula.

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