Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Today More People Are Travelling Than Ever Before.

Today more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for the traveler?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The tourism industry is one of the leading industries all over the world since more and more people are getting inclined towards tourism. The major reasons behind this trend may be are (be certain about the reasons you’re proposing) easy electronic access to exotic locations through the Internet and reduced airfares. Let us delve deeper into these reasons in the subsequent paragraph followed by the benefits of traveling to tourists(Of course, you will delve deeper. No need to state this. Just MENTION the ideas that will help you delve deeper.) This has numerous benefits ranging from X to Y for the tourists.

To begin with, one of the two viable reasons which contribute in to the rise in the craze for traveling is easy access to the Internet, (The idea is complete. The next sentence is an explanation of the idea.) and hence to the It enables a person to click and share pictures and videos of picturesque locations in various corners of the world. Given the situation, So, more and more people are lured to visit such beautiful spots personally. (I suggest you to prefer writing in active voice: This lures more and more people to visit such beautiful spots personally.) For instance, a daily one minute video, called NAS video, on Facebook, shows unique features of various countries and their people, which makes people aware of the plethora of unknown tourist spots. Besides, thanks to the advancements in technology and privatization of the aviation industry (1), airplane tickets are now affordable even to economically moderate families, unlike the past, when these were considered a luxury of the affluent only (The idea is complete. Do not make it complex unnecessarily. OR, learn how to restructure it to accommodate more information: Moreover, unlike in the past when air travel was a luxury, today middle-class people can afford to travel by air due to advancements in technology and privatization of the aviation industry.). To substantiate, according to a survey by the Airport Authority of India, a two fold increase was experienced in the number of air travelers in 2015 when the air fares reduced by 30%. (Again, you can write in active voice. Please try.)

Please read my article: Active Voice or Passive Voice?

You need to work on building better sentences. Understand where you should put a break. Write in active voice. The arguments are logically and adequately developed.

Read my article on SENTENCE STRUCTURE and you’ll understand the problem with the first sentence of the paragraph above.

1. Please note that the structure: X and Y of Z means X of Z and Y of Z. Let me explain. Your sentence means “Thanks to advancements of aviation industry and privatization of aviation industry.” Do not leave X incomplete. 

Undoubtedly, tourism affects on the travellers in several positive ways. Primarily, it helps in boosting the global understanding. To elaborate, when people travel to other places, they come across new languages, traditions, rituals and cuisines, which broadens the horizons of their knowledge. For instance, one can hardly understand the hospitable nature of Japanese people by reading booksRather meeting them would be an eye-opener to their personality traits and would boost brotherhood (2) (You’ve made another mistake in judging the right place to stop a sentence. Please read the suggested article carefully.). Besides, travelling is a fun and recreational activity. It not only helps travellers take their mind off monotonous life but also gives an opportunity to enjoy themselves. This rejuvenates their minds and they are able to focus more efficiently later on their works; ultimately helping to increase the productivity.

2. The example can be strengthened by a better sentence structuring. Two sentences. Note that though both sentences convey one bigger idea, their purpose is different. The purpose determines the right place for a break: For instance, an American cannot understand the Japanese culture by merely reading a few books. He needs to visit the country, eat Sushi and Ramen, wear a kimono and talk to the local people.

To conclude, advancements in aviation industry and increased access to digital media are the two vital reasons responsible for increased trend of travelling. This further is tremendously beneficial for travelers as it (subject-verb disagreement) boosts their knowledge and revive refreshes (rejuvenates) them to perform better in their lives.

The essay is strong in task response, idea development, cohesion. It is fine on grammar. The Active-Passive voice is not a mistake but an improvement. The Achilles Heel is sentence structure.

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