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IELTS Essay Correction: Climate Change – An Environmental Problem.

Climate change is a big environmental problem that has become critical in the last couple of decades. Some people claim that humans should stop burning fossil fuels and use only alternative energy resources, such as wind and solar power. Others say that oil, gas, and coal are essential for many industries, and not using them will lead to economic collapse. What is your opinion? Support your point of view with relevant examples.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is an irrefutable fact that the escalation of pollution is has been (1) a serious issue for many years. Some would (would = wish, possibility. There is a certainty here.) argue that people should not use non-renewable resources namely coal, oil, and gases, because these fossil fuels are damaging damage (present continuous is NOT incorrect. Simple present is MORE correct.) the environment through exhaust fumes, instead use alternative source of energy (2). Instead, they (subject) should use alternate sources of energy that are environment-friendly. While others think that the use of these energy sources are indispensable for economic growth. I believe in the former view.

1. When something began in the past and continues in the present (= for many years), use present perfect tense.

2. Wrong comparison. Your sentence means – fossil fuels destroy nature not through alternate sources of energy but through exhaust fumes. That is, alternate sources of energy are produced by fossil fuels. Incorrect. Isn’t it? Write the INSTEAD portion as a separate sentence with its separate subject (as I’ve done above).

In this modern world, pollution through vehicles and industries is producing detrimental effects. As a result, (These are not a result of detrimental effects. Rather, these ARE detrimental effects.) People are suffering with from various deleterious ailments caused by these hazardous gases such as (link such as with ailments – 3) asthma, breathing problems, heart blockage, and body fatigue. Which affecting towards to less which reduce their productivity (NOTE: The use of which at the beginning of a sentence makes it a question statement. If you want to use it as an adjective pronoun, it must be placed within the sentence – as I’ve shown.). In another other (another is singular. You can’t use it with plural words.words, (Oh no! – 4) it gives rise to global warming, this means give rise in greenhouse gases, due to this sea level increase, which leads to the destruction of life, property, and economy (You’ve crammed too many things too quickly. Do it in an organised and smooth manner.) (4). For example, in Bangladesh recent heavy floods have emerged resulted in the loss of life and property. Which which as a whole is an alarming situation for the world. (Can’t begin a sentence with WHICH unless it is a question statement.)

3. SUCH AS is a tool to give examples of NOUN it is placed next to. Here, it gives example of GASES and not AILMENTS. Restructure: When people inhale these poisonous gases, they catch various ailments such as ……… which reduce their productivity.

4. In other words = I’m going to explain whatever I wrote in the previous sentence. BUT, the previous sentence is on ailments. What is the link of human body ailments and global warming? PLUS, the pronoun ‘IT’ (it gives rise to global warming) refers to AILMENTS due to the use of ‘in other words’. Moreover, the overuse of fossil fuels gives rise to global warming. This results in an increase in global temperature which inturn raises the sea level. This leads to the destruction of life and property in coastal areas.

Some would argue that coal, gas and oil are essential for the development of a nation. B because industries will demolish have to stop operations due to non-availability of these resources in developing and non-developing countries (There is nothing called a non-developing country. There are developing and developed countries.). As we know, to establish alternative sources of energy like nuclear power, solar energy, and wind energy, it requires infrastructure and a huge amount of investment monetization. (5) These countries are not self- sufficient to fulfill such requirements and this also can also lead to unemployment and poverty. Therefore, governments does do not think of taking risk at the cost of further downfall of the economy.

5. Monetization = when you convert something to money. Let us monetize the website. That is, let us use the website to make money. Investment = When you use money to build something.

In conclusion, although some countries do not realize the importance of renewable resources, but within a few decades it will be extremely difficult for people to breath and grow live in exhaust (I’m not sure what this means in the context of environment) a poisonous environment. I believe recommended measures to use alternative source of energy will ameliorate the dangerous situation.

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