Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Plan Detailed Activities for Leisure Time – 1.

Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, others disagree with that. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

People around the world engage in various activities in their leisure time. Many of them are of the opinion that these activities should be well planned since this has numerous advantages ranging from the optimum utilization of time to the knowledge of ultimate goal to be achieved. While others argue that pastime undertakings (these activities) should be randomly chosen to explore diverse areas and to get refreshed. I agree with the former view. (Very well written. Good job!)

To commence with, the time which one gets for spare (weird construction. Simply write – free timefree time (leisure time) should be utilized properly so that as to receive maximum benefit from it. People have distinct interests and, in their free time, they should pursue any one of those to be proficient in that particular domain. For instance, many parents involve their kids in games such as cricket, football, and hockey in their leisure time from the perspective of their career. (pronoun not needed. PLUS, one pronoun in a sentence can refer to one noun only. While the former their refers to parents, the latter refers to children.)

Moreover, by indulging in pre-planned activities, many adults may come to know about their hidden talents and can set a goal for the future. For instance, one of my friends, who was a teacher by profession, got expertise in the arts by taking evening classes for which she already had a little fascination. Later on, she shifted from teaching to artwork and now she is a renowned face widely known in my city for her creations in my city.

On the other hand, pastime (Nope! Pastime does not refer to time. It refers to an activity done during free time. A hobby.) free time can also be allocated to random tasks. Many individuals believe that by carrying out arbitrary things, a number of domains can be adjoined explored. By planning the activities in the known areas only, a person may never explore the unknown and may lose lifetime opportunities. For instance, one may be good at drawing, cooking and dancing at the same time by opting for all these in an unsystematic manner For instance, I never realized that I could be a good musician until the day I visited a friend’s place in free time and decided to play Sitar. Also, it is always nice to proceed with many recreational tasks at different times to get to know about new things which are extremely helpful for rejuvenation. Doing planned activities during free time is, in fact, equivalent to work. It does not give a break from the work.

The arguments in this paragraph are not well developed. Remember, if you’re short of explanation in “Discuss both views question”, you can make a comparison. That is, support argument Y by writing how X is flawed. I’ve done this above as an example.

To conclude, though doing random things is crucial beneficial to get knowledge of novel and unusual areas, but I strongly believe a systematic approach is mandatory to be proficient in a particular job and that too without any wastage of precious time.

Please state your opinion clearly in the conclusion. PLUS, reduce the importance of the view you do not support. I’ve done this by replacing crucial with beneficial.

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