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IELTS Essay Correction: Computers Used In Education.

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Undoubtedly, technological advancements have changed the way education is being imparted in classrooms today (general statement on education + technology). There is an increasing use of computers, projectors, digital presentations, which makes learning more enjoyable and interactive than the traditional method of book study (Statement on positive trend). However, it is not wise to pick a side and say that this increased use of computers in education has been a boon or a complete disaster. (Your opinion) (This is more of a general statement and NOT your opinion. If it is not ‘a boon or a complete disaster’, then what is YOUR OPINION? – ‘it is not wise to pick a side’. Then, do you favour both? It is not clear. See my statement below.).

The statement on negative trend is missing. You have to write statements favoring both views in “Discuss both views” essay. At the same time, you have to make sure that the introduction is not too long. Here’s what you can do.

Undoubtedly, technological advancements have changed the way education is being imparted in classrooms today. While some people believe that this is advantageous as it makes learning interesting, others think it reduces concentration power of students (= disadvantages). I think teachers need to adopt an optimum mix of the two approaches (optimum mix of traditional and computer-based coaching).

A computer is a source of immense data and there is a lot of information one can get from it. (Stop here! This is your first point and the use of MOREOVER suggests that the next sentence is a new idea. Do not jump to the next point without adequately explaining the first point. How do ‘data and information’ help students? – 1) Moreover, it has helped to do things in a much faster and accurate manner. For instance, if a student wants to demonstrate any process, say, the working of a diesel engine, others will understand it far better if it is explained by using clear and accurate visual effects through a computer where one can show it more clearly and accurately than using a board or just words. Secondly, through various online courses, (2) computers have reduced the gap between those who want to study but cannot join a school or a college for some reason, through various online courses available and ….. (The second group is missing. Reduce the gap between X and Y. The Y is missing. Incomplete sentence.). Nevertheless, there are advantages of using this technology but there are some drawbacks too(See the first sentence of the next body paragraph)

1. Computers are an excellent source of information. Children can use various websites and online tools to learn various subjects or search for information. For example, Wikipedia helps students to know about something immediately whereas they had to find it in a paper-based encyclopedia through a time-consuming process.

2. The right placement of a modifier is important. A modifier gives information about a noun and it is not a part of the main sentence. It must be placed next to the NOUN it modifies. Your modifier “through various online courses” gives information about computers. Place it before computers. Another placement is: 

Secondly, computers, through various online courses, have reduced the …..

Despite the aforesaid (above mentioned) advantages of computers, they have several disadvantages. (Despite X, Y) Firstly, computers cannot teach the correct use of information which still requires the guidance of a teacher (The idea is good. Please explain it. 3). Secondly, it has deteriorated the relationship of a student and a teacher as any information can be looked up on searched in a computer and this is (incomplete without a subject – thisdecreasing the reliance on a teacher. To substantiate, my brother does not take notes in class because he could easily get the required information through a computer (How has this deteriorated his relationship with teachers? The example must completely match the theme of the idea. – 4). Laptops, indeed, have also reduced the interaction between peers as they feel no need to discuss any educational (let us stick to the topic – education) problem with their fellow classmates (classmates includes fellows) and can. (Please EXPLAIN this.) Moreover, reading books is an art and apart from providing knowledge, books help us to imbibe qualities like patience and imagination and how to analyze (violates parallelism. Can you find out the reason?) and extract information which a computer education lacks.

3. The online world contains a huge amount of information on various subjects such as Mathematics, Physics, and Chemistry. Students do not have the experience to judge which information is useful. Only a teacher’s active participation can guide them.

4. This has reduced the trust and respect the earlier generations had for teachers.

In the paragraph above, you have raised FOUR points but none of them is adequately explained. IELTS wants you to develop the ideas as this is important for task response. Write only two ideas. But explain them sufficiently (as I’ve done above).

Hence, there are many benefits computers have offered in education but at the same time it’s their (computers = plural) negative consequences cannot be ignored. So, more efforts should be made to incorporate the best use of both computers and traditional learning methods to enjoy the fruits of both systems.

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