Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Countries Becoming Similar.

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In the modern era, with technological development, nations possess equality due to easy availability to purchase and affordability of products all around the globe (1). I believe it is a positive development as it enhances the equality, promotes similar living standard amongst people and it reduces the difference between developed and developing nations. (Parallelism – … it 1. enhances …. 2. promotes …… 3. reduces ……

1. Correct = availability of something; Incorrect = availability to something

First of all, it attributes advantageous effects amongst people of every country. B because it lessens the difference of promotes economic equality among communities. For example, in earlier times people from the richer class were the only beneficiaries, (beneficiaries of what?) as they can could (maintain past tense. The past of CAN is COULD) visit to developed nations and buy products which were not easily available at local markets. (2) (The idea is not complete. Has this difference reduced now?) Moreover, (Use connecting device MOREOVER only to indicate the beginning of a new sentence. Here, it is the same idea.) it was not affordable for people to visit overseas to make such purchases. Furthermore, by opening markets for import and export through containers and air-cargos and also, by establishing manufacture industries. In present times the countries have become self- sufficient and reduced the difference between each other the nations (3) (each other = pronoun that refers back to countries). This progression progress fulfills the requirements of people at a reasonable rate in their own countries.

2. Make your example stronger with NAMES. For example, in earlier times only the rich people could afford certain products such as Apple laptops. This is because these were available in selected countries and only rich people could visit these places. With the availability of these products in almost all countries, the differences in living standards of people have drastically fallen.

3. Note the sentence structure: … 1. by opening markets ….. and 2. by establishing …… , the countries. (By X and By Y, Z)

Second of all Secondly, easily available products in local areas reduces reduce household work for people. For instance, during the 1990’s in the Indian people were putting physical efforts to complete household work, (no comma before such as) such as washing clothes with hands, mobbing mopping and dishwashing (Good parallelism). In other words, (Nope! You’re not explaining the previous sentence in other words. You’re moving further in the argument. Please use connecting devices at the right place.) By technological advancements and equipment such as washing machine and vacuum cleaner that can be easily purchased at local shops like washing machine, vacuum cleaner, and dishwasher, (these are not examples of shops but of equipment) this development reduced physical fatigue of individuals and, hence, improved the living standard of people same as for developed nationsThis has bridged (reduced) differences in the living standards of people in developing and developed countries.

(This has raised the living standard of people in developing countries to the level of people in developed ones.)

In conclusion, the easy availability of products globally encourages improves (can’t encourage lifestyle) lifestyles and develops equality, i . It reduces inferiority complex and people find all countries similar.

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