Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Buildings Should Be Constructed With Functionality In Mind.

Some think that buildings should be constructed with functionality in mind, as it is more important than design. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The present century has witnessed numerous elegant buildings with various architects which are constructed depending (based) on different factors such as functionality and design. While some people believe that functionality is the key factor of any structure, others reckon marvelous design as a major concern. However, I agree that the purpose of any establishment is important to be kept in mind while fabrication of a building is important since it is instrumental in the optimum utilization of space and provides comfort too. (Parallelism violation – instrumental is an adjective, provides is a verb.)

The introduction is too long. Please reduce the unnecessary words. I’ve struck off a few words above. Since this is an opinion question, you can comfortably delete the second sentence. In fact, you can merge the second and the third sentence: I think that the purpose of a building is more important than design since it is instrumental in the optimum utilization of space and it provides comfort too.

To commence with, buildings based on functionality allow the proper use of space. When the architects know the purpose of premises, they can prepare a best-fit design for it which certainly enhances the value of the structure. For instance, if a building is to be built for hostel purpose, then it would require small sized rooms with private lavatories. In this case, large attractive rooms would not be suitable. Similarly, a hospital requires operation theatre, OPDs, doctor’s rooms, and waiting areas. Merely focusing on design will defeat the purpose of the business being conducted in the building(Your example on HOSTEL is excellent. Let us take one more example – HOSPITAL. Also, compare the functionality with the design.)

Moreover, the construction, which renders services according to the functions, construction based on the personal preferences of the people provides comfort to its occupants. For instance, we Indians prefer to breathe in fresh air and feel natural light in our houses, s . So, generally, these houses have big windows for adequate ventilation and sunlight. This helps in maintaining the health and cutting down the electricity bills. Hence, the buildings, which prioritize functionality, provide ease to its owner and reduce the financial burden. On the other hand, buildings with attractive designs but with dark areas and lack of proper ventilation are a source of various diseases. (Let us compare with DESIGN.)

You’ve logically developed the arguments. The sentences are well constructed except at a few places. The arguments can be made MORE complete by comparing with the OTHER side. This will also help you write more in the body paragraphs and less in the introduction. Cohesion, lexical resources, grammar are good. The ideas are clear and specific.

To conclude, though designer and graceful buildings look fascinating, I strongly believe that constructions made according to the purpose and need are utilitarian and convenient.

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