Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Fine to Use Animals for Benefit – 1.

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

While some people feel that it is quite important to use animals for human gratification which includes food and research, others believe that animals should be fairly treated and have equal rights with humans. I am in favor of the latter view.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why animals have been quite beneficial for humans. The foremost reason is nearly every single medical breakthrough in the last 100 years has been a result of animal testing. For example, the discovery of insulin, a potent drug to lower sugar levels of diabetic patients (Excellent modifier), was made possible as dogs’ pancreases had been subjected to several tests. Apart from this, having been being an important part of the food pyramid (Another good modifier), animals also provided provide (simple present tense) a means for humans to meet their physiological needs for food and they are also a rich source of dietary protein. For these reasons, animals such as cows, pigs, and chickens have been domesticated as livestock for centuries such as cows, pigs, and chickens. (Place such as next to the noun it modifies. HAVE BEEN = something started in the past and continues till today. You need to mention the time using since or for.)

The paragraph above presents a very organized response (Several reasons, foremost reason, apart from this). The first point is adequately argued with a very specific response. The use of modifiers with insulin and animals is excellent.

On the other hand, there are those who feel that animals should be given rights and be treated well. This is mainly due to the fact that animal testing is cruel and inhumane. For instance, scientists from the University of Cambridge use mice in their experiments by introducing a cancer gene in their bodies. Tumors, which is are the primary reason for having cancer pain, are allowed to grow in their bodies before introducing chemotherapeutic drugs. Furthermore, a study conducted in 2016 by the US Department of Agriculture found out that 71,270 animals suffered pain during scientific experiments due to the absence of pain relief measures. No civilized society can tolerate cruelty on animals. (So, should they have the same rights as humans? That’s the question. They are treated inhumanely (exploited by humans). That’s known. But, should they have the same rights as humans? Why should they NOT be mistreated? Because we are a civilized society.) Moreover, since we have invented numerous harmless ways of making proteins, it is important to abandon meat. 

The paragraph above is very well constructed. However, it is weak in task response.

To conclude, I agree that it is time for people to advocate for animal rights. Since the Animal Welfare Act does not cover the rights of primates, mice and other animals used for scientific researches, governments need to construct laws regarding this matter. Finally, alternative methods for testing drug potencies are now at hand including in vitro testing and micro-dosing (You should have mentioned and explained this in the body paragraph 2. The REASON why we should not mistreat animals – because we have an alternative.).

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