Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Several Languages Die Out and Saving Them is Not Important – 4.

Every year several languages die out. Some people think they are not important because life will be easier if there are few languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A few languages such as English, French, and German have become so popular that they have earned the status of lingua franca of the world. Some people believe that the dying out of other less common languages is justifiable because of the immense benefits offered by the prevalence of only a few languages. However, I only partially agree with this statement because it is not necessary to let less spoken languages die out in order to enjoy these benefits. 

The words in the introduction can be reduced by writing more concisely and merging the sentences. Why talk about ‘some people’? This is not a “discuss both views question“: A few languages such as English and French have dominated the global discourse and this is leading to the death of minor languages. I think that while having a few common global languages is beneficial, we need local languages to maintain our cultural identity.

To begin with, a few languages in the world would certainly bring several desirable outcomes. Primarily, it would provide a global platform to convey one’s ideas and beliefs to the world. For instance, the message of supporting girl education in Pakistan by Malala Yousafzai, (no comma) garnered international attention only because she ran her blog in English. Another benefit would be increased understanding between people due to less language barriers. To elaborate, (1) although translators and interpreters have become an integral part of the modern world, there are chances of misinterpretation due to technical glitches or nuances of the languages. However, having known knowing a common language to communicate can reduce these chances of misunderstanding and boost trust among people, leading and will to an increase in business and trade (subject missing for the clause if you use a comma. Link it to the main subject of the sentence “knowing a common language” by using AND.). This ultimately boosts the brotherhood among different nations.

The ideas are very well developed in a specific (precise) manner. The sentence structures are of diverse types. Cohesion and lexical resources are also adequate. I do not see any major grammar issue.

Despite the aforementioned positives, I assert that it is imperative to preserve the not so popular languages as well. This is because local languages, irrespective of their number of speakers, represent the culture of their a region (their regions). To explain it further, (1) losing a language would mean that people also would forget the literature including poems, scriptures, and novels of that language. Thus, the loss of other a language might entail the loss of its cultural heritage. This might be the reason that why most Indian schools still incorporate Sanskriti, an age-old/ancient/archaic language, in their curriculum. Moreover, the loss of languages would lead to job losses for many people losing their jobs. For example, a large proportion of people, who work as writers, journalists and language teachers in regional languages, (2) will be out of their jobs if the languages are diminished. 

1. You do not need to construct a cohesive device for every sentences. When you explain an idea, the reader KNOWS that you’re doing it. Use the connecting (cohesive) devices ONLY when you begin something new (a new idea, an example).

2. This is NOT a modifier – Modifier gives additional information which is not important for completing the main sentence. Here, it contains a reference to ‘regional languages’ and this is central to the understanding of the main sentence.

You can comfortably avoid the second point (idea) in the paragraph above. You’ve written a lot.

To conclude, the benefits of a few languages are immense such as a wider scope of delivering messages and increased brotherhood among nations. (let us reduce a few words) However, this does not mean that we should ignore our mother tongues. In fact, both a native language and an international language should be promoted equally in order to achieve dual benefits of both of them.

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