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IELTS Essay Correction: Study Subjects That Are Useful.

Some people think that all university students should study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Others think arts subjects are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In this globalization globalized and highly advanced (parallelism – 1) technological world some people believe that students should do higher studies in only those subjects like science and technology which plays a pivotal role in establishing building a strong future (Most appropriate words – you can establish a company, but not future.). However, others opine that people should be given freedom to decide their career depending on the interest. I believe in the latter opinion.

1. Globalization = a noun. Highly = adverb. Maintain parallelism in “X and Y“. Make both verbs – globalized and advanced.

First of all, undoubtedly, subjects such as science and math plays play a crucial role in the progress of an individual. Because developed and developing nations have increased demand of for employees (science graduates) for in high-tech companies (2). T , they require people who are highly-qualified from universities in these subjects. For example, globally big co-operates corporates like google, tesla Google, Tesla, and Facebook heir hire people on the basis of their masters in a particular the science field. (3) Moreover, nowadays it is mostly believed by parents that if the children performed perform (present tense) well in math and science at the academic level than only , it will open a barrage of opportunities for children to succeed in this digital world. (4) How? Please write at least one more sentence explaining this idea. They will be better equipped to work in numerous areas such as computers, smartphones, medicine, automobiles, buildings. The options for non-science subjects are extremely limited.

2. With BECAUSE, you can follow two structures: “Because X, Y; X because Y” – both need a cause and an effect. Your sentence is incomplete (a fragment sentence) since the effect element (Y) is missing.

3. A particular field = any field. It can be arts also. But your paragraph is constructed on SCIENCE. Maintain task response in the example.

4. IF THEN construction. Then is silent. A comma indicates its presence. If (present tense), (future tense).

Secondly, On the other hand, (5) subjects like arts, history, law, and public administration contribute to culture, society of a community and personality development of an individual (6). This means career option depends on personal choice and encouraging to establish future in other subjects provide persons an opportunity to protect other academic fields for future generations. (7) For example, a recent survey revealed that governments of countries encourage people to excel in their relative fields of arts and law so that people can participate and develop their own small-scale businesses (How? The example is not on the same theme as the idea. Please maintain the same theme as I’ve done below.) which will help national economy to rise and grow sustainably.

5. Secondly is used when you want to raise the second point under the same theme. Here, the theme changes from view 1 to view 2.

6. Your sentence means – culture of an individual, society of an individual and personality development of an individual.

7. You’re supposed to explain how the arts subjects contribute to a society and an individual. However, that is not done. What do you mean by personal choice and in what sense? Protect academic fields for future generations? How? What is its relation to the arts? The explanation is inadequate. 

Arts not only carry the message of culture from one generation to another through history books and scriptures but also enable a person to find constructive hobbies in music, painting, and dance. For example, most of the law in India is derived from religious books of Hinduism, Islam, Sikhism, and Christianity. Arts have played a major role in communicating these religious principles to the present generation.

In conclusion, although, people‘s reliability on high-tech professions make their dependency to study science and technology to earn high-rank jobs. Consequently, other academic fields are equally dispensable to make a bright future of persons efficiency. (Do not use consequently with although. Correct construction = Although X, Y.)

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