Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Negative Impacts Of Human Activity On Environment.

“Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe that actions can be taken to bring about a change.” 

Discuss both views and give your opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

With the increase in human population, it’s its actions has have had detrimental effects on the animals’ and plants’ species. While some people believe that the damage to the ecosystem can not be undone, others ponder that it is still not too late for corrective actions (measures/ steps). In my opinion, national governments still have some chance to rescue the deteriorating ecological system by limiting illegal human activities and learning the concept of coexistence.

On the one hand, many assert that humans have done an irreversible damage to the entire ecosystem. The deforestation has permanently taken away the natural habitat of many species which has put the existence of entire ecosystem in jeopardy. For instance, a recent report generated by NATGEO in 2017 has suggested that nearly two thousand endangered species of plants and animals went extinct in the Amazon rainforest as a result of deforestation in the last decade. Thus, humans have no way to bring back that has been lost.

I think I just read a perfect paragraph. This is an example of the difference between a 7 band response and an 8+ band answer. Not only are the words appropriate and in proper context (irreversible damage, ecosystem, deforestation, natural habitat, endangered species, extinct, etc.) but also the response is fully developed. There is strong but subtle cohesion (required for 9 bands).

On the other hand, many believe that we still have time for corrective actions, and I agree. In other words, (these are not other words. This is an explanation of corrective actions. Writing cohesive devices where they are not necessary will reduce your score.) the ecosystem is still capable of recovering itself if human beings control their activities. Firstly, national governments should play a key role in preserving the natural habitats of endangered species. This could be initiated by banning animal hunting for trade benefits such as killings of elephants for ivory. For instance, the kingdom of Saudi Arabia has recently declared a jungle as Desert Wildlife Sanctuary in which human interference is strictly prohibited. (There is a scope for better development of ideas.) Secondly, humans should learn to live in harmony and co-existence with wildlife, which is quite possible. For example, if people cut trees for energy requirement, they should also plant trees at the same time to give a chance to the ecosystem to recover itself.

In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I opine believe (avoid word repetition – opinethat we, as humans, still can save the deteriorating situation by limiting our activities and learning to live in harmony.

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