Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Feeding A Rapidly Growing Population.

With a growing world population, one of the most pressing issues is of feeding such a large number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The increase in global population has created a challenge to feed the millions of people around the globe. Some people ponder that production of genetically modified foods can help to address this issue (Production can’t address the issue. Food can.). I strongly agree that modification in the food genes has the potential to feed the global population because it maximizes the yield, (no Oxford comma here) and increase the shelf life of the food. 

Read about Oxford Comma under Rule 1.

To begin with, (1) genetically modified seeds increase the yield of crops which helps to predict (How does increase in yield predict supply? Logical flaw.) boosts the supply of food required in a particular region. Countries using such production methods not only satisfy their own food demand but also supply the surplus food to the other countries facing food scarcity. For instance, a recent report generated by the World Health Organization in 2017 has suggested that Germany has increased it’s its wheat production by fifty percent using modern modification methods of Genetically Modified seed (GM is a term and you must retain it.) in its farms. The country has supplied thirty-five thousand tons of surplus wheat to Sierra Leone in order to combat the food scarcity. Thus, production through modified genes in food has proven benefits. (I’m sure you can give a LARGER PICTURE) Thus production through modified genes in food can eliminate hunger from the Earth.

1. Some words are NOT needed. The overuse of cohesive devices (unnecessary use) reduces the band score. Now, you’ve already begun writing with the introduction. Why should you write “to begin with”?

NOTE: What is the purpose of COHESION? To link various parts of the essay. Between two paragraphs, an excellent (and subtle) form of cohesion is linking the LAST sentence of the previous paragraph and FIRST sentence of the next paragraph through IDEAS. Note that the LAST sentence of the introduction contains the words “maximize the yield”. The same words are there in the FIRST sentence of B.P 1. This is COHESION. You need not use any device here. Using a device will cut the score.

In addition, modification in genes also contributes to an increase in the shelf life of the food. This makes the transportation of food considerably easier from one country to other in order to balance the demand and supply of food. For example, a research conducted in 2017 has suggested that genes modification has prolonged the shelf life of many perishable items, such as mangoes and berries, from twenty to sixty days in America. Therefore, it is easier now to export such food to a country facing problems of food shortages.

A well-written paragraph with perfect cohesion, development of ideas, grammar (sentence structure), and lexical resources. 

In conclusion, alteration of genes for cultivation has significantly lifted the food production and increased the shelf life of many consumables. There is no doubt that it has contributed to eradicate the food shortage problem.

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