Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Getting Married And Having Children In Thirties – 1.

People are getting married and having children in late thirties rather than at a young age. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A significant number of people are getting married or and bearing offspring after 35 years of age. I think that this is a positive development since it provides them ample of time to establish a career and leads to lesser conflicts between couples.

When men and women opt for their career over marrying in their the late 20s or early 30s, this gives them sufficient time to focus more on work. This is considered a crucial age to get into top roles and build a lucrative career (This is the same as the first sentence. This does not add value. You should rather explain the first sentence – How NOT marrying boosts their career?) (By not marrying, they have no bondage to reach home in time and take family for a holiday. Thus, they can work on weekends and late at night to learn new skills that bring financial stability. For example, as a doctor, I spent 10 years of my youth working during nights and on holidays to learn surgery and now I earn excellent remuneration. Only after gaining financial security, I decided to marry.) After marriage, they can provide a comfort and convenient life to the spouse and better educational facilities to their children. (The idea is not explained. How do they provide comfort and convenience? Just mentioning “lucrative career” is not sufficient.) Being financially secured before the marriage, a person can devote a quality time to his partner. This helps in strengthening the relationship between them. For example, a recent survey stated that more than 83% of top executives in big multinationals got married after the age of 35(Do they marry late for financial reasons? The example lacks proper task response. The example can be from your personal experience (as I’ve done above). But it should be strong in task response. Merely stating numbers is not sufficient.)

Moreover, it is observed that an individual, in his late 30s, tends to be more patient and wise to tackle problems. The essence of any relationship is sustainability. Unlike the young individual who makes (… the young individuals who make choice of ….) choices the choice of getting separated after confrontations due to petty family issues, people in their late 30 have the ability to handle the pressure of relationships and act more smartly to deal with it. This is a positive sign (Which sign? I can’t see any.) for This is beneficial both for the couple and the children as their lives do not get disruptive disrupted. For example, a study conducted by the Matrimonial Disputes Tribunal stated that people who marry in the late 30s have 76% higher success rate of marriage than the ones who get hooked up married before that age. (Hook-up refers to an informal romantic and sexual relationship. Marriage is a formal relationship.)

In conclusion, I believe that marriage in the late 30s has immense benefits since people can build a great career and result in more successful relationships. This not only makes a family and the society richer but also brings social stability. (let us give a larger picture in the conclusion to make it different from the introduction.)

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