Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Getting Married And Having Children In Thirties.

People are getting married and having children in their thirties rather than at a young age. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Globalization has set certain new trends, one of which is delaying the age entering into of marriage and having children. In previous times, people tended to get married and become parents in the early twenties but nowadays people they prefer family planning after turning thirties thirty. In my opinion, this is a positive trend.

Getting married late promotes understanding between a couple. This is because both the partners are mature enough to comprehend the needs and desires of the opposite sex. While adults in early twenties get attracted to the opposite genders gender easily which can result in broken homes (how will attraction lead to broken homes?), mature adults can cope with such situations (which situations?) and this fosters better chemistry between a married couple (1). In addition, in today’s competitive job market, people have to devote a considerable amount of time to build their careers. In most of the cases, once people reach the pinnacle (acme) of their careers (is this in the 30s? Task response.), they tend to get into family arrangements so that they can strike a balance between family and professional lives (How does the peak of career help them to strike a balance? Logic flow is missing.). Indeed, this is beneficial for work-life balance. (2)

1. This sentence fails to communicate the idea clearly. The comparison between young couples and mature couples is incomplete. While young couples are impulsive, reactive, and career oriented and this can lead to divorce, the mature couples are calmer and family oriented. Consequently, they understand the needs of their spouse and children and, thus, have more chances of running a family successfully. 

2. Restructure with more logic: Moreover, in today’s competitive job market, people have to devote a considerable amount of time during their youth to build their careers. This leaves little time for making a family. However, most people reach the peak of their career in the thirties and they can afford to delegate responsibilities and tasks to the junior staff. This gives them time and energy for their children.

There is ample scope to develop the ideas in a more logical and specific manner.

Having babies in the thirties is also a positive trend. A reason for this is that as/ since parents can provide children with better financial securities. When people reach this age, they usually have stable sources of income and they can bear the educational and personal expenses of their children. (explain financial security completely.) To illustrate, in most countries, students complete post-graduation at age of 24 or 25. They have five or six years to find a job and gain experience in a specific field. At the time of conception, they are already earning enough money to support their children. Apart from that, it is a proven fact that mature parents provide better childcare than young parents as former ones the former has have more experience about the feelings and emotions of others.

Unlike the previous paragraph, the ideas in this paragraph are more adequately explained. There is a scope for a better explanation as mentioned above.

In conclusion, as per my perspective, postponing the age of marriage and conception is a positive development as people in their thirties have the maturity to perform meet family commitments and have the jobs to support their families financially.

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