Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Public Health and Sports Facilities.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some people argue that the a (it is one of many solutions) good solution to ameliorate (1) people’s health is to increase the sports requirements, facilities such as open more gyms, playgrounds, sports stadiums and buy more playing equipment (2). Whereas, others opine that social facilities, free medical check-ups are more beneficial for society as a whole. I believe in the latter view.

1. Ameliorate = to make an unpleasant situation better. You can’t ameliorate people’s health. You can ameliorate their sufferings.

2. Note that open more and buy more are NOT facilities. Neither are they requirements.

Apparently, increasing sports facilities encourages (the subject is increasing sports facilities. Not just sports facilities.) individuals to stay active and physically fit. Firstly, these facilities are mainly for young people. In On the contrary, the older population is not satisfied with this facility. Because older and children are struggling with because they suffer from physical instability (wrong word choice) and lack of stamina. (The previous two sentences break task response. They mean that sports facilities are good for youngsters but not for the old. This is opposite to view 1.) Consequently, if a government plans to increase sports facilities and think that it is useful in removing ill health, which is not the solution to improve public health (3). For example, in Australia, in spite of the availability of greater large number of big gyms and parks, there is no reduction in medical assistance to patients for health related problems such as obese, thyroid, heart related issues and arthritis obesity, hypertension, arthritis(You’ve opposed view 1.)

3. Incomplete sentence. You’ve mixed two thoughts and both are incomplete. Complete the IF, THEN clause first. If the government increases sports facilities, then what? The THEN part is missing. Secondly, WHAT is not the solution to improve public health? Your paragraph should support sports facilities. You’re opposing it.

NOTE: This is a DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS question. You were supposed to discuss view 1 in body paragraph 1.

On the other hand, other useful measures are far more important for society. For example, recent social awareness camps in Australia, (no comma) educated women’s women about healthy eating during pregnancy, they (who advertised? THEY does not refer back to any noun.) The government advertised the process on high grounds to spread the message of appropriate and nutritious diet amongst the larger number, to eat correct, that will avoid future health related issues, such as obesity, arthritis and gastric problems. Another solution is free health check-ups, free exercise and yoga camps will that help in motivating people’s adoption (you can motivate people but not adoption) and people to develop a positive attitude towards physical fitness.

In conclusion, although, by increasing sports facilities can help people individually, but to help the larger portion of society, the government should take effective measures of educating and spreading awareness about the importance of physical health.

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