Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Work For Same Or Different Organization.

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A career takes an essential part in everyone’s life (career can’t TAKE PART in your life.) Career is important in everyone’s life. While some people choose to stay with one company in order to receive promotion and incentives for their loyalty, others opt for changing organizations to gain more experience and ensure stability in the future. I think we need a combination of both approaches to stay relevant in today’s tough business atmosphere.

You’ve clearly mentioned the reasons supporting each view using WHILE X, Y construction. Well done. It is better to state your opinion in the introduction.

It is believed by some (Let us use the Active Voice) Some people believe that a long-term service in the same organization leads to higher chances of climbing the corporate ladder. Having spent several years in one company, (1) an employee has an opportunity to gain the in-depth knowledge of its products and policies and, as a consequence, become(subject = an employee = singular) a perfect candidate for promotion. Moreover, devotion to one employer may be rewarded with additional benefits. For instance, some companies offer better pension schemes or longer vacations for employees who have been working for them for a continuous long period. Due to these facts, it is widespread (widespread is an adjective. It needs a noun to exist. Example – widespread floodsbeneficial to work for the same company.

1. “Having spent …… company” is a modifier. You need to put a comma after that.

In contrast, some people think that working for different organizations is better for their careers. Whereas working in one company improves skills only in one a (avoid repetition – onespecific area, job hopping allows people to get new experiences in various fields. Such extended knowledge is more competitive beneficial in the a hyper-competitive labor market and the preference would be given to such employees. Besides, numerous skills could assure constant employment. For example, (This is not an example. This is an explanation of the idea statement.) if one loses his job for any (any = singular) reasons reason, his broad knowledge and experience would allow him to find another job without any problems and thus ensure a stable income. For example, I have learned software development on various platforms such as Java, C, and C++. Even if I lose employment in my current company, which works in Java, I will have ample opportunities in other computer languages.

Note: Competitive is an adjective and needs a noun to exist. Competitive person; competitive market. “Such extended knowledge makes a person competitive in a labor market.”

To sum up, as both viewpoints approaches (viewpoints can’t have benefits in this case) have benefits, I consider that the a combination of both approaches could have the successful outcome. The optimal choice would be to try different jobs in the beginning of your career path to widen your experience and gain knowledge, and later become a valuable asset to one company. 

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.