Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Plan Detailed Activities for Leisure Time – 2.

Some people think that the activities of free time should be planned while others disagree. Discuss both views.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

People have different views on leisure activities. While some think these should be organized upfront (the word upfront is used in the context of money, not in the context of planning. Moreover, planning, by nature, is always in advance.) to save time and avoid unpleasant surprises, others believe that it is not necessary to do that as what we plan early may not be what we crave for when the leisure time comes.

On the one hand, many recommend planning the activities of the free time in advanced.(You’ve already mentioned this in the introduction. Let us merge this with the second sentence. This will prevent the repetition of a sentence and prevent the use of cohesive device ‘Firstly’. Remember, implicit cohesion is better than explicit cohesion.) Firstly, this can save a considerable amount of time. planning in advance helps people to save a considerable amount of time that can be utilized in productive ways. If people waited fail in organizing the free time to decide what to do then, for sure, they would will lose some time while thinking about the different options they have, especially if those people were are indecisive by nature. For example, planning a tennis match with a friend in advance prevents the headache of finding a partner at the last moment and this saves a lot of time that can be utilized for more practice. (You’ve tried to develop an argument. But, developing an argument with a specific example will increase your score.) 

Secondly, early free time’s time activities planning can help to avoid unwanted situations. For example, a last minute decision to watch a movie in the cinema could easily be false may not be fruitful as by the time he took a person takes (1) the decision all the seats may get filled would have been booked. Therefore, a (do not use plural nouns with article ‘A’) well planned activities mean a smooth and a hassle-free leisure time.

1. A pronoun must refer to a noun. In your sentence, HE does not refer to any noun. Plus, you’ve wrongly used the past tense at a few places. The right tense here is the simple present tense.

On the other hand, others think that we already live in a boring, repetitive routines organized routine (do not use plural nouns with article ‘A’) that we plan for our days (let us replace this with one word – organized.). We plan the time we leave home to for work, the time we come back home, what and the food we eat and all that jazz. (I don’t know what this means. Makes no sense.) (Plus, let us maintain parallelism in A, B, and C.) Adding the p Planning of our free time’s activities would keep us in the same systematic, organized pattern that we need to be away from for a while in order to feel free and less pressurized. Additionally, not everything we plan upfront is what we tempt for at the time when we are free. Your mode mood when you are planning for your activities in advance can be different to your mode mood when the free time comes, and, similarly, your desires and interests may differ between the two times. So, there is no point to plan the activities ahead. For example, a random game of chess with a family member or a dance with a spouse can relieve a day’s stress. These activities depend on mood and cannot be planned. (Let us write an example that links with both points discussed in this paragraph.)

To conclude, while many favor planning the activities to be done during the leisure time upfront as a way to a smooth free time, others take the side of prefer taking such decisions when the free time comes as a way of routine changing routine.

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