Nowadays, more and more people are using consumer goods such as refrigerators and washing machines. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this? Give your own opinion and examples.
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
With the advent of cutting-edge technology in home appliances, our life has been far more convenient than ever before. Although some argue they have a negative impact on our lives, I am of the opinion that they have affected us more positively in terms of
its (this pronoun does not refer to any noun. The pronoun for home appliances is THEY. Two pronouns – it and they – can’t refer to the same noun.) convenience and safety issue.
The advancement in home appliance has brought a huge amount of convenience in our life. (1)
It does immensely save our time so that the standard of living in modern society has improved enormously. (2) Firstly, (the first point is – convenience. Saving time is an explanation of convenience. Wrong placement of a cohesive device will reduce your score.) there are many time-saving home electronics such as refrigerators, laundry machines, vacuum cleaners and so on. If we did not have these machines in our modern life, we should would (3) spend a huge amount of time on dealing with household chores which are is now being dealt by these machines mentioned above (these is a referencing device. No need of writing ‘mentioned above‘ with these.). Also, our quality of life has largely improved by this these home appliances (Prefer writing in active voice: Also, these home appliances improve our quality of living.). The more people use these machines, the more we they allocate our their time to sports as well as cultural activities which increase (subject-verb disagreement) increases our their living standard. (Pronoun must refer back to the subject – people.)
1. Subject problem: Your sentence’s subject is ‘advancement in home appliances‘. IT (in the second sentence) refers back to this subject. Now, advancement can’t save time. Technology or products can. Grammar score suffers. Restructure: Modern home appliances have made our life extremely convenient. They (refers to modern home appliances) save our time and increase our standard of living. EXPLAIN TIME. EXPLAIN STANDARD OF LIVING.
2. The problem of logic. You can raise an idea. However, that idea must be logically proved. This is crucial for task response. How does saving time improve the standard of living? Establish a clear link. You’ve taken them as separate points in explanation but as one point in idea part.
3. If – Then construction: If (past tense), then (would). Note that ‘then’ is never written. It is silent.
In addition to
those the advantages (4) stated above, home technology consumer goods (5) has have affected our lives life positively in terms of the safety issue. Fire alarms, for example, has have (subject-verb disagreement) prevented houses from being burnt since these machines are installed at each house. These alarming systems helps help to keep our house safe while family members are away. Another prime example of safety appliances at home is a doorbell equipped with a video camera. A few decades ago when the high-tech doorbell was not common, there were was a high rate of burglars or thieves burglaries and thefts because people had to confirm the visitors by their voices.
4. THE is a powerful cohesive device. It refers back to the noun mentioned earlier. Example, the car = car mentioned earlier.
5. Do not use synonyms that do not convey the exact meaning of the NOUN in the question. Home technology is not the same as consumer goods. This will reduce your lexical resource score. Home applicances is fine.
Despite several grammar and sentence structuring mistakes, you’ve done a good job in developing arguments. Your task response score is good. However, LR and GR are not enough.
In conclusion, while broken home appliances
bring cause some cumbersome inconvenience from time to time, I am certain that it has they have (need a plural pronoun to refer back to a plural noun) more benefits than drawbacks owing to its their convenience and that fact that it keeps they keep us safe.
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