Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Reasons For Poverty.

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for poverty? What can we do to help the poor?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Eradicating poverty is a major challenge in both developed and developing countries. Poverty is said to be a consequence of illiteracy and overpopulation. However, this can be addressed directly through proper education and strict population control. (Very precise introduction. You’ve accurately laid the plan for the essay’s body paragraphs.)

Illiteracy results to in a poorer nation as it narrows down people’s job opportunities. If a person lacks the basic knowledge, skills, and understanding, he may not be able to competently work in an organization. For instance, a number of southeast Asian countries have low literacy rates which make it difficult for the people to acquire well-paid jobs such as accounts, engineering, and medical science resulting in to a decline in the national revenue (How does this impact revenue? The link is not clear. Moreover, the question is on reasons for poverty. Link illiteracy directly with poverty. – 1). This decreasing government fund can directly affect the people as the government cannot anymore support the basic needs of every citizen. (Let us leave the government out of picture and link illiteracy with poverty.) Moreover, overpopulation is another reason that (another reason = moreover) contributes to poverty. (Overpopulation is another reason that contributes to poverty.) If the population is not stringently controlled, it will lead to a decline in educational slots, thus . Thus, illiteracy prevails will prevail and causes it will cause a decreased earning options (‘options’ is plural and it does not need an article ‘A’) for these people. (Wrong tense. You’ve mentioned ‘the fall in educational slots’ as a possibility in the future. Then its consequences will also be in the future.)

1. For instance, a number of southeast Asian countries have low literacy rates which make it difficult for people to acquire well-paid jobs such as accounts, engineering, and medical science. They have to settle for low paying jobs which leads to extreme poverty.

You’ve made a good attempt in developing the reasons. However, there is ample scope for improvement. You can make things more specific and link with the essay topic.

Nevertheless, the government can implement drastic measures to solve this issue. Firstly, the government must focus on education and it must be made accessible to all citizens. Educating people gives them more knowledge and practical skills needed to acquire jobs necessary to uplift their living standards. If more people are employed, more taxes will be collected. These taxes can be used to improve educational facilities and to create jobs for people. (2) In addition, it is also imperative that the government adopts laws to limit the burgeoning population. For instance, the Two Child policy in China is a very effective tool that has limited their its (wrong pronoun as a referencing device) population for the past few years. This policy gives each parents the capability to send their children to better schools, which promises a better future not only for their children but also to the nation.

2. This is NOT incorrect. But, there are better ways to express an idea and you must strive to write better. This creates a self-feeding cycle. As these people are lifted out of poverty, they pay taxes and the government uses these taxes to finance more educational facilities which further lift more people out of poverty.

Body paragraph 2 is much better developed than BP 1. LR, GR, Cohesion, and TR are good. Good job!

In conclusion, it is clear that educating the people and controlling a nation’s population growth is the gateway to improve the lives of the people suffering from poverty.

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