Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Government Investment In Arts, Music, Theatre – 1.

Some people think that the government is wasting Money on arts and this money can be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view. 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Art is any kind of creative piece of work created by an individual or a group. It could be a painting, a tune of music or even a write-up. The society today is filled with potential artists who have excellent ideas and potential to implement their ideas. To ensure that this talent is not wasted away, the government needs to create the appropriate infrastructure to give these invaluable talents a platform to portray their talent to the world and even bring glory to the country. (Whoa! Hold your horses. This is an introduction. Not a body paragraph. Do not explain here. Just mention your opinion.) So I beg to differ with the school of thought that spending money for development of art is a waste of resources. 

Arts refer to creative works such as a painting or a piece of music. I believe that governments must develop an adequate infrastructure to supports art since artists depend on government support for survival and people use this infrastructure to stay healthy. (Now, explain in body paragraphs how this helps artists and how people use it.)

Not only does the money spent on infrastructure created for art helps professional artists, but it also gives amateur individuals a conducive environment to practice it as a hobby to unwind. (The sentence is complete without unwind. The use of this word makes things complex. Unwind what?) This helps individuals them channelize reduce the stress that they accumulate at work and saves them from a number of ailments like heart problems, depression, and blood pressure. It allows them to remain positive even in the most testing phase of their lives. Without the government’s investment, this can not be accomplished and, hence, it is not a waste of money. 

You’ve not explained how it helps artists. PLUS, you MUST mention that it is NOT a waste of money. 

Art centers developed by the government and, if promoted properly, (place within commas. Wrong use of connecting device AND.) can act as an excellent source of positive energy which rubs on (I’m not sure what this means.) to the society and encourages creativity. (HOW? Please explain.) People engaged in these pursuits learn to observe economic, political, social and environmental events and communicate them to the society. One such example is the National School of Drama in New Delhi. A research has shown that the quality of life and the creativity quotient of people enrolled in this drama school is better than that of (1) the people not practicing any art form. Private players will never invest in promoting these qualities of the people. Thus, it is not a waste of public money.

1. Compare apples with apples, not with oranges. THAT OF refers to quality of life and creativity quotient.

You’ve made a nice attempt in developing arguments. However, there is scope for better development. PLUS, you must mention that this is not a waste of money.

To sum up, I would say that art helps people evolve, encourage creativity and help an individual physically, mentally and, if taken up as a profession, (place within commas) financially. So, its imperative that the government needs to invest the appropriate amount of resources to promote various art forms.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing a polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

4 replies »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.