Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Government Investment In Arts, Music, Theatre.

The government’s investment in arts, music, and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The culture of a society is represented by its arts, music, and theatre. Arts of a region They carry the values of that an area from one generation to the next generation (Instead of repeating the noun arts, use a pronoun they to refer back to ‘arts, music, theatre’. This builds cohesion.). Some people argue that the government should spend money for on (2) developing facilities such as ………. (1) to meet the basic requirements of people such as educational institutes, roads and highways, public transport and agricultural areas. In my opinion, the government should dominently dominantly focus on funding public services with a small portion of investment in art and culture of a country.

1. SUCH AS is an excellent device to mention a few examples within a sentence. However, its correct placement is important. It MUST be placed next to the word it exemplifies. Here, it gives examples of facilities, not people.

You need to reduce the number of words in the introduction. For this, you should use COHESIVE devices that connect different ideas. You want to take a middle stand that both approaches are important. But before that, you’ve mentioned the benefits of ARTS and PUBLIC SERVES. Brevity is respected in the IELTS exam.

While arts, music, and theatre represent the culture of a society and transmit it from one generation to another, public facilities such as educational institutions and hospitals are basic requirements of a society. (WHILE X, Y) In my opinion …….

2. The correct preposition with spend is on. Spend on.

Food, education, shelter, communication is are the basic needs (Subject-Verb disagreement) of a human being to survive in the world. A government should invest a large portion of its annual budget to fulfill this these (Use a plural pronoun) (Subject-pronoun disagreement) basic requirements. For example, the government of Bangladesh spends (Subject-verb disagreement) the highest portion (about 18%) , about 18 percent, of their its (Subject-pronoun disagreement) annual budget for on (2) education. To be self-sufficient in food, it is also (no need of ‘also’) essential to fund agricultural sectors of a country. For the economical economic (3) growth of the country, the development of smooth communication system is a must which leads to (LOGICAL flaw: communication systems do not LEAD TO development of roads. Roads are an example of the communication system. – 4) the development of roads and highways. Government should also focus on the developing of public transport so that members of that country can move smoothly and comfortably at a convenient fare(Use this sentence to compare ARTS with PUBLIC SERVICES. This will improve your context. Remember, the essay is not on public services. It is about public services in the context of arts.)

3. Economical = save money. Economic = related to the economy. Use the right word to score high bands in LR.

4. For better economic growth, every country needs to invest heavily in transportation and communication systems such as roads, highways, airports, internet, telephony, etc. If this money is instead spent on arts and music, a country will never progress. (Note the use of IF-THEN construction.)

In addition to the above-mentioned things, government should also provide funds in for (provide for) arts, music, and theater to save the culture of the country. (HOW? Explain it. Do not leave an idea unexplained.) In absence of this support for local artists, the people will get influenced by western music, drama, and dance. For instance, while western music is telecasted on channels such as MTV, there is no platform for traditional Bangladeshi arts. This may eventually result in Bangladeshis losing their cultural values. Besides, heritages (the plural of heritage is heritage.) heritage brings tourists which become a source of foreign currency of a country. For instance, the pyramids (These are neither arts nor music nor theatre) of Egypt attract 14 million people from all over the world. For instance, millions of tourists visit New Zealand every year to watch the Haka Dance of the indigenous people of this country. The local government spends millions of dollars every year to arrange its live shows and make professional recordings.

Note that this is an exam of communication. You should clearly and adequately communicate the ideas to score well. ADEQUATELY = elaborate on each idea in a specific manner.

In conclusion, although government should spend the major portion of fund in public services, small percentage should be invested in arts and cultures too.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing a polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

1 reply »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.