Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Ban Smoking In Public Places.

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people’s freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Smoking is injurious for health. Some people argue that banning smoking in public places would control curtail the freedom of some people (wrong word choice). In my opinion, it should be banned as smoking is not only harmful for to its consumer but also for the others surrounding him.

First, smoking is very much bad for health and causes a waste of money. (Raise only one idea at a time and explain it completely. Either talk about HEALTH or about MONEY. Do not use low band words – bad. In fact, the next sentence can be your opening statement as you’ve mentioned the idea in the introduction.) Smoking It causes many diseases such as cancer, bronchitis which need a huge amount of money for treatment. According to one estimate, more than 20 percent of global health expenditure is made on diseases which are caused by smoking. (EXPLAIN the idea by mentioning the extent of the problem) The smoker also becomes the cause of harm of to other people around him. Research has revealed that passive smoking has similar (this word does not make any sense here) an inverse adverse effect on health (Inverse is incorrect. Inverse of what?). A person has no right to be the reason of injury of to other person. By banning smoking in public places, the government will successfully protect innocent non-smokers from catching diseases related to smoking. For example, in India public smoking is allowed only in specially designed smoking rooms that prevent exit of smoke from that room.

Task Response: I can’t see “ban on smoking in public places” in the paragraph above. Use the CORE words mentioned in the question statement to maintain task response.

Secondly, smoking causes environmental pollution by spreading the smoke as well as the butts in public places. In countries like Bangladesh, where smoking is not banned in public place, cigarette butts can be found spread on at public places like such as bus stands, cafeterias, footpaths and so on. This destroys the aesthetic appearance of the country. (the country refers back to Bangladesh)

Finally, smoking also has a potential to ignite a fire which may damage public properties. In dry season, there remain are many materials to act as a fuel in public places which can be ignited catch fire whenever they come in contact with a flame (1). Throwing cigarette butts without shutting down extinguishing (word choice) its flame may cause fire and may cause a loss of life and property huge money. For instance, a fire was ignited in Barisal, Bangladesh in the year of 2003 from a thrown cigarette butt in front of an oil storage which burned 20 shops. The estimated loss from this fire was about 20 million takas.

1. Can be ignited = someone will deliberately ignite the materials. Can catch fire = chances of an accidental fire.

The points in BP 2 and 3 are well elaborated with proper task response. However, there is ample score to write better.

In conclusion, though banning smoking will take away the freedom of some people, the government should enforce the law to stop smoking in public places as none have the right to be the cause of active or passive harm of to others.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing a polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.