Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Reading Children’s Books Is A Wastage Of Time.

Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children’s storybooks are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is a fact that childhood is the formative period of life. Many people think that investing time in reading storybooks is a useless activity waste (waste of what?) for children. However, I believe that children should devote their time to read fascinating stories but up to an extent a limited time to read fascinating stories because there needs to be enough time required (you’ve already used a verb – needs) for getting indulged in other important aspects of life.

1. You want to mention that children should do both things – read books and other things. You can write this sentence better by connecting the two ideas using WHILE construction. However, while I believe that children should spend some time reading fascinating stories, they should also engage in other productive activities.

Note that there are better ways to write a sentence. A sentence written in fewer words (BREVITY) – without losing the meaning – is always better than a long sentence. Note that this is exactly what I have achieved through ‘a limited time‘.

First and foremost, story books play an imperative role in the mental development of a child. (2) This is because these sources of information they offer an opportunity to learn basic lessons of life, such as the value of respect, discipline respect for elders and discipline in all endeavors, (such as A and B – note that I have followed the rule of parallelism. Read my article on Rules of Parallelism.) in an intuitive way by using visuals like pictures, cartoons, and paintings. In fact, studies have shown that these storybooks are vital for children to develop analyzing skills. If, in contrast, kids had are not been provided access to such books, they would not have been will not be able to comprehend things easily. (The use of past perfect tense in the IF part is incorrect in this context.) For example, the fables such as Aesop’s and Panchtantra impart the messages of courage, honesty, and truth in young children.

2. Imperative (adjective) = important or urgent. However, its usage is not simple to use. As an adjective, it is used with ‘THAT’ and ‘To + infinitive’. It is also used as a noun. For the mental development of children, storybooks are imperative (noun). For the mental development of children, it is imperative (adjective) that they should read storybooks. For the proper mental development of children, it is imperative to read storybooks.

Furthermore, Children should be motivated towards getting involved socially and in physical activities. (3) This is due to the reason that a healthy mind resides in a healthy body and outdoor activities help to become social with other people, which ultimately leads to the overall growth of a child. For example, schools have also been revealed found in one recent study that pupils who are active in extracurricular activities are more sharp and productive in the study. (5) So, it is indispensable to let inform a child about the benefits of interaction with friends and physical exercise (4), which will make him more focused and confident towards whatever he is intends to do in life.

3. Now, you’re not continuing the previous though in this paragraph. While the previous one was on the advantages of reading storybooks, this one is on other areas. Create a smooth transition by making a brief reference of the previous paragraph’s theme. However, storybooks (previous paragraph’s context to create a smooth transition) are not sufficient to make children mentally and physically strong. They need to do physical activities such as sports to stay healthy.

4. Parallelism violation: Benefits of – A. interaction with friends; B physical exercise. While interaction is a noun, physical is an adjective. … about the benefits of frequent interaction with friends and regular exercise. 

5. An example should contain more data and facts than an idea statement. A recent study by the US board of education has found that students who spend about one hour every day on playing sports score at least 10 percent more marks than students who do not play any outdoor game.

You’ve made a nice attempt in developing arguments in both body paragraphs. However, there is ample scope for improvement in grammar and sentence structuring. Plus, you need to learn how to write an example.

In conclusion, although I have sympathy (wrong word. You can have sympathy only for a living thing.) for storybooks, which play a crucial role for the mental progress of a child, (Although storybooks are important for the mental progress of a child, I …….) I personally (I = personally) believe that children should be more involved in physical recreation and in socializing with other kids for their well-being.

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