Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: International Sports Events.

Many countries want to host international sports events, while other countries think that hosting sports events has more problems than benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Over the last few decades, sports events at the global level have been increasing substantially. Some nations are in favor of hosting these events. While others think that organizing such events brings more harm than good. (1) This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and provide my support for the former view. (Do not write this sentence. This is too mechanical and the examiner understands that you have crammed it. PLUS, it is obvious that the essay will discuss both sides. That’s the question “discuss both views”. This sentence does not add any value to your answer.)

1. It is always better to mention the views supporting each view in “discuss both views” essay. While some nations favor hosting these events as they increase a country’s prestige and build nationalism, others think they are harmful since they consume significant financial resources.

An introduction is meant to lay a map of things you plan to discuss in the body paragraphs. It is better to mention the reasosn that you will elaborate in BP 1 and BP 2.

First and foremost, (You’ve mentioned only one reason. No need of ‘First and foremost’.) those who believe that it is harmful to host global sports events might argue that a large number amount of financial investment is required in organizing these events. This is because the funds are needed to provide hospitality, security, and facility to the players from all over the world. In fact, this is a task of immense magnitude. (You’re almost done with this paragraph. But I still can’t see the HARM. – 2) For instance, Brazil had invested approximately 5 billion dollars to host the Olympic games in 2014 to exhibit its power to the world (Fine. Now mention how that money could have been better utilized in BRAZIL.). If, in contrast, nations do not host international games, this money will be utilized for the severe issues of societies such as poverty, healthcare, and welfare.

2. Come to the theme of the paragraph as soon as possible. You’ve mentioned the theme in the last sentence. This is inadequate. You should have EXPLAINED it in the entire paragraph.

Hosting global sports events is harmful because they involve a large amount of financial investment in organizing these events. While this money is spent on building stadiums, roads, and accommodations for players, it can be utilized in providing superior healthcare for citizens and better education for youngsters. (Explain the point in the second sentence.) For instance, Brazil invested approximately 5 billion dollars to host the Olympic games in 2014 to exhibit its power to the world. This money could have been better used in supporting all universities in the country for five years. (Complete the example with how Brazil could have better utilized the funds.)

On the other hand, I would argue that it is beneficial to host international sports events because this brings honor and prestige to the hosting nation. This is due to the reason that (no need to write this. Directly jump to the explanation of the idea sentence.) a country which is hosting hosts such events remains in the headlines of media such as newspaper and news channels before, during and after grand events. For example, countries named Bangladesh and Bhutan have gotten received global recognition after organizing common-wealth games, and before this, these nations were not widely known to masses in the world. (Note: Some of the words I have deleted are not needed to convey the message. These are redundant words. You should avoid them.) Hence, in order to achieve respect at the global level, these events are vital to be organized by nations. (This sentence is the same as the first sentence of this paragraph. Do not repeat the same sentence in different words. This will cost you dearly in task response. If you’re short of words, raise a new point.)

Moreover, these events are crucial to build unity in the country. (IDEA statement) International sporting events are a platform for nations to compete with each other. When the host nation competes with other countries, its people stand united irrespective of their religion, color or gender. This makes a nation socially and economically strong.

To recapitulate, although it is important to consider monetary aspects before hosting global events, I believe that for attaining popularity globally, nations should go for such events.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing a polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.