Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Education Obligatory Only Up To Primary School.

In countries where unemployment is high, education should be obligatory only up to primary school, not in secondary school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Education is the backbone of a nation. Many people opine that the government of a country with lower employment percentage should make education mandatory study up to primary school but (missing connector) not in secondary school. I strongly disagree with the opinion as it will result in increased number of unskilled workforce and increased child labor. (1)

1. Sentence structuring mistake: .. result in (A.) increased number of …. (B.) child labor. Increased (adjective) and child (noun) are not parallel. Moreover, workforce is an uncountable noun. You can’t use NUMBER (countable) with it. New structure = … unskilled …. increased …..  

Education brings light to human life through knowledge on different matters of life. (This is a statement for the introduction. Body Paragraphs are meant to explain ideas, not to make a general statement.) Primary education gives an overall idea about our regular life. It does not make a person true literate. (You’ve not explained this point adequately. What do you mean by true literate? – 2) Besides, it does not provide any specific knowledge to make a skilled workforce for the country. The secondary school provides the base for the development of skilled manpower for the economic growth of a country. (how? Explain this through an example. – 3) Different studies have shown that even after mandatory secondary school less than 40% of students get admitted in further studies for being a skilled worker. (You’ve merely stated a fact. Give an example supporting your opinion that education should be obligatory in secondary school. – 3) If education is made compulsory up to primary education only, drop out percentage will increase in further education amount. A government should enforce mandatory secondary education with the provision to for higher studies regardless of the employment condition to ensure the economic growth of the country. 

2. Primary education, despite laying a foundation for education, is not adequate to make a person literate. After completing the primary school, a person is able to neither read nor write properly. He lacks proper tools to communicate which can only be gained through secondary school and college.

3. Students in India, for instance, gain crucial employable skills such as cooking, accounting, management, lab technician only in the secondary schools. If education is compulsory only up to primary school, many of these children will never learn the skills necessary for employment.

The ideas could have been better developed.

Addition to that In addition, lowering the level (this gives an impression as if you’re lowering the quality of education) of mandatory education If governments do not make secondary and college education mandatory, it will increase the number of child laborers labors. In countries like Bangladesh, where education is mandatory up to primary level, 20% children get involved in work in their childhood, just after completion of the primary education. A large portion of these kids start working in dangerous and high-risk jobs such as manufacturing of steel products, and heavy lifting which is are harmful to both body and mind of them. To stop this, the government of a country (the government refers to Bangladesh’s government.) should make education mandatory up to secondary school.

The idea in BP 2 is much better developed than the one in BP 1.

In conclusion, regardless of the employment status of a country, education should be compulsory up to the secondary school to develop skilled manpower and reduce child workers. This will also result in economic growth of the country.

There are a few sentence structuring, grammar, and task response issues.

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