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IELTS Essay Correction: Meat Consumption Should Be Reduced.

Meat production requires relatively more land than crop production. Some people think that as land is becoming scarce, the world’s meat consumption should be reduced. What measures could be taken to reduce the world’s meat consumption? What kinds of problem such measures cause?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A number of problems are arising with the increasing meat production, and this includes these include (wrong pronoun – your subject is plural – problemsthe scarcity of land. Some people believe that the best way to solve this is to decrease meat consumption. Promoting awareness on about its the (whose detrimental impacts. Use a pronoun to refer back to meat consumption.detrimental effects on health and the environment may address the issue, h (the purpose of the previous sentence is over. Start a fresh sentence to convey a different idea. Do not merge the two.) . However, it this measure could severely harm other countries’ economies. (I’ve changed it to this measure since I’ve used its (in the previous sentence) to refer back to meat consumption.)

Raising awareness on the serious health consequences of consuming large amounts of meat and the harmful environmental impact of raising livestock may hamper change people’s desire to eat meat (hamper = prevent someone from doing something.). Nowadays, more and more people are suffering from diseases such as hypertension, obesity, and cancer because of uncontrolled eating of meat products. If people are fully aware of these consequences, they may opt for eating vegetables than instead of meat. (1)

In addition, the raising and breeding of farm animals for the purpose of meat production can tremendously harm the environment. Deforestation is one visible negative outcome of this, and it has been reported that in every second, 1 to 2 acres of rainforest are being cleared in the Amazon to cage farm animals. Thus it is imperative that the government must control the production of meat and halt land degradation. (The idea and explanation are fine. But the CONTEXT is lost. You’re supposed to give a measure to reduce meat consumption. We can design the final sentence to build context.)

The governments, thus, should design and implement a policy for restricting meat production so that extensive land degradation can be prevented (contained).

OR 

Making people aware of how their meat consumption impacts environment will change their consumption patterns.

1. I’ve explained the use of ‘OPT FOR’ in this video on “Tax private car owners“. Please watch it.

However, this measure these measures (you’ve mentioned two measures above) can create a negative effect to for the economy of those countries that are relying too much on meat production as a source of income. For example, the (do not use an article before a country or a continent unless it is in abbreviation – the USA.Central and North America, which are two of the highest producers of meat will be greatly affected if people will (The IF part has to be in the present tense) decide to decrease consuming meats switch to a vegetarian diet (purpose – avoid repetition of the word meat.). Limiting also meat production can also lead to a fall in on some meat industries (Also, limiting meat …..). (2) This will result to in loss of livelihood for some farmers and will increase the unemployment rate in these countries, leading which will lead to a poorer economy.

2. You’ve used the word MEAT several times. Let us find a way to reduce its use. Note that I’ve used meat only once. At all the other places I’ve used referencing devices.. Also, limiting its production can lead to the closing down of several related industries. This will not only seriously reduce the revenue and profit of meat processing plants but also adversely impact farmers who rear animals for these units.

In conclusion, although raising awareness can alleviate problems associated with meat production, it has an alarming effect on the economies of the top meat producers.

A number of preposition mistakes. Please address them by making a list of mistakes you’ve made so far. You can use reference devices to reduce the repetition of nouns (meat). Also, there is ample scope for improvement in grammar (If/then clause; pronouns – this/these; etc). There is scope to build a better context.

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