Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Many Countries Opened Doors To Foreign Tourists – 1.

Since traveling abroad became relatively inexpensive more countries opened their doors for foreign tourists. Is it a positive or negative trend? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

You’ve written more than 400 words. I strongly advise you not to do this since this may consume a lot of time. Your strategy should be to write about 270 words so that you have enough time for brainstorming during the first five minutes and revision during the last five.

Traveling for recreational purposes increased in 2017 – according to the annual report of the Organisation for World Tourism – as part of a thirty-year upward tendency. Reducing traveling costs and a more welcoming attitude of governments towards foreigners are among the main contributing factors of the success of this sector. (Let us merge the two ideas and write less.) Tourism has increased during the last few decades primarily due to falling transportation costs and the opening of international borders. This large-scale movement of people generates extra profit for international airlines, boosts tax revenues and creates jobs for the host nation. However, there are certain drawbacks which could affect the further development of this sector and the sustainability of global tourism itself. (Let us merge these two sentences using WHILE construction) While this generates extra profits for the companies, boosts tax revenue and increases jobs; its major drawback is that it destroys the environment.

Words reduced from 93 to 61 without losing the meaning. Write about 50 to 60 words in the introduction. You’re supposed to write more in the body paragraphs.

NOTE: Your opinion is for both advantages and disadvantages. However, you’ve discussed disadvantages only. This will reduce your task response score. Ideally, you should have discussed advantages in one body paragraph and disadvantages in another.

To begin with a global issue, (You’ve already begun the essay with the introduction. Do not write this.) sustainable growth in commercial aviation (1) is questionable unless more environment-friendly engines can be designed. 25 percent of greenhouse gases are emitted by airplanes every year, (no comma here) since air travel is a major source of e.g. CO2 or carbon dioxide and methane emissions. (I can’t see tourism) As a consequence, global warming is being accelerated, which could lead to an average of 3 to 4 degree Celsius increase in the temperature of our planet. In other words, an unsustainable growth sooner or later reaches its limit. (Loss of task response. You need to stick to the question – Negative consequences of foreign tourists.)

1. Let us make this about international tourism and not about aviation. This can be done without changing your idea. International tourism is highly unsustainable since airplanes are not environment-friendly. More than 25 percent of global greenhouse gases are emitted by airplanes that carry tourists from one country to another.

Secondly, let’s look at a local issue. (no need to write this) Although local businesses thrive in every major tourist destination and generate considerable tax revenues, this doesn’t does not always mean that local people themselves are happy with the negative effects caused by the masses of foreign visitors. Many historic city centers e.g. in Europe have become more and more overcrowded, (no comma here) since they weren’t were not designed for millions of tourists. For instance, in Rome, due to the crowd and the traffic jams caused by tourist’s tourist buses, the original inhabitants of the downtown tend to leave their homes and move to more peaceful suburban districts. They can surely sell their property for a decent price, as real estate prices have been constantly climbing up since the end of the economic crisis. (Let us talk about the negatives only.) On the other hand, as they are leaving, As they leave, these neighborhoods could partially lose their unique atmosphere, and, therefore, they may even become less attractive to foreign travelers. (One pronoun can refer to one noun only. The first they refers to original inhabitants. The second they refers to neighborhoods. This is incorrect. Moreover, you do not need the second THEY. It is perfectly avoidable. You used it due to misunderstanding created by therefore. The read sentence is – these neighborhoods could partially lose their unique atmosphere and may even become …..)

All in all, nations, airlines, and major cities are definitely interested in boosting tourism further, international airlines likewise. Similarly (There is no similarity between this and the previous sentence. Rather, they are the opposite.) to the whole modern economy, tourism has its own sector-related environmental and sustainability issues, too. (2) Solutions are often at hand. For instance, development of environment-friendly airplane engines for slowing down global warming, or locally, restricting the number of tourists in certain public places. Yet, they could result in decreasing revenues. It is therefore doubtful that these measures will ever be introduced in the near future. (No need to write the last two sentences. Cut the fat. Keep the conclusion lean.)

2. Combine the two sentences: In conclusion, while nations and cities are interested in boosting tourism, it leads to serious environmental challenges. These challenges can be addressed by developing environment-friendly engines and restricting the flow of tourists.

The conclusion is too long. You’ve written 85 words. Keep it below 50 words. I’ve written 33 words.

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