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IELTS Essay Correction: Robots Important For Human Future.

Some people believe that robots are important for humans to develop their future, while some think that it is a dangerous invention that will impact society negatively. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the model answer to this topic HERE.

Answer:

The invention of computer-controlled machines (1) Robots in the 21st century has divided the world with opposing opinions. While some people believe that they are vital for people to attain a comfortable and convenient life in the future, I believe with support those who contend that they may severely harm human civilization.

1. This is the biggest risk of using synonyms for the essay’s core NOUNS. There is no perfect synonym for a ROBOT. Robots are not computer controlled. They are eventually controlled by humans.

Robots can perform various tasks in a lesser amount of time. Since they are programmed to do both simple and complex tasks, they can help people in various activities. This lessens the people’s workload which gives them more time for other important matters. Take the shortage of nurses in hospitals as an example. This nurse deficit results in nurses having to work longer hours, and perform (longer than whom? Prefer long hours.) working for long hours and performing loads of procedures to provide fulfill (meet) the needs of their patients, leaving no time to attend their own necessities. Having robots in a hospital can tremendously lessen their burden the burdens of the nurses such as in by implementing nursing procedures and in monitoring deteriorating serious patients regularly. This These advancements can significantly decrease the number of human errors and consistently ensure a safer and more efficient care. (Note on the last sentence below. The nurses can use the time thus saved for more important tasks such as administering medicines in time.)

The idea in the above paragraph is clearly stated and adequately explained. However, note that the conclusion stated in the last sentence (decrease human errors, etc) is not the same as the IDEA stated at the beginning of the paragraph (lesser amount of time). This will reduce the task response score.

However, I agree with those who argue that they robots (At the beginning of a paragraph, mention the noun again and then use the pronoun.) can cause a negative impact on human race. As the robots can exceed what normal individuals are capable of, they may dominate all the working industries leaving the people jobless and machine dependent. They have already replaced humans in the automobile industry. Moreover, although they can surpass the intelligence of humans in executing some duties, they have no capacity to feel sympathy toward others. With this, they can become objects in wars, replacing soldiers which replace human soldiers in wars and can destroy humanity in the blink of an eye. (… can X and can Y. Or, Alternately: Replacing soldiers, they can become objects in wars which can destroy humanity in the blink of an eye.) (You sentence’s structure is incorrect. WHICH refers to soldiers, not to robots. And, replacing soldiers should be placed next to robots, not wars. Can you guess why?)

There are a few sentence structuring issues in both body paragraphs that need to be addressed.

In conclusion, although these major breakthroughs can reduce the amount of work for people, it is frightening to think that instead of saving us from our burdens, they will pose a threat to our existence.

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