Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: New Technology Improves Employees’ Lives.

Many people believe that the use of new technology improves the lives of employees. Others think it is a disadvantage for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the model answer to this question HERE.

Answer:

Its It is (‘its’ is different from ‘it is‘) often mentioned that use of the latest technology at work (Nope! ‘technology at work‘ means the working of technology.) has made the life of working people working easier and more convenient. I would agree with this opinion as it helps employees complete their tasks more effectively and quickly in a quick manner. (1) However, on the flip side, technology at work also makes employees lethargic and it affects the creativity quotient of the workforce.

1. Parallelism issue: more X and Y: The first words of X and Y should belong to the same family. The first word of X is effectively (an adjective); the first word of Y is in (a preposition). Let us make both adjectives (effectively and quickly).

There is no need to write work with technology since you’ve developed the essay in the context of employees. This includes work.

Technology at work has really come in as a boon for time-starved employees chasing deadlines. With just at a click of a few buttons a few clicks on their work stations, (2) the employees can complete the most complex presentation in no time and make it appealing to the eyes too, (no need of too with and.) at . At the same time, they can also present it to their client sitting miles away through email or Skype , by sending it across on email or, present it on Skype. For example, a research has shown that with the use of technology in daily operations a shipping firm has saved tremendous (3) a large number of man-hours which they are putting in use to upgrade the skill set of their workforce, which that would help in the Company’s growth in the future. (Prevent the repetition of which using that.)

2. This is a preposition mistake. To connect ‘just a few clicks‘ with ’employees’, you need to use a preposition – WITH. With the help of a magical wand, Harry Potter could travel to distant lands.

Note that the overuse of too, and, also will reduce your cohesion score.

3. Tremendous is uncountable in nature. That is, it should be used with nouns that can not be counted. It will be of tremendous help to me. A large, on the other hand, is both countable and uncountable.

On the other hand, there is also a downside to the use of technology in work life. Regular usage of technology (let us use a pronoun to refer back to technology) Its regular use has made employees dependant on it and has hampered creativity. In this age of technology, if an employee is asked to make a presentation on a topic, they (4) would simply surf over on Google for references on a similar matter and copy-paste that in their presentation. They would rarely make an effort to include original, out-of-the-box ideas due to lethargic attitude or due to the pressure of deadline they have to meet. 

4. I will not contest the use of a plural pronoun (they) for a singular subject (an employee). Some grammar books suggest doing this to avoid the confusion of gender (his/ her).

You’ve developed the ideas in both body paragraphs in a logical manner. Good job!

To conclude, I would say that technology is an inherent part of the workplace today and indeed it has indeed made (indeed is an adverb. Place it next to a verb.) work easier for the workforce. However, the problem of over-dependence on technology is a problem area which needs to be addressed. 

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